2.25.2013

What I Believe

So a few weeks ago, I went to church, like any normal Sunday, but it somehow turned out to be one of the best church meetings I've ever been to. Every meeting, I found myself listening with this intentness I didn't know I had in me, and I was fighting back tears because I felt the truth so strongly in there. Ever since then, I haven't stopped feeling that amazing joy inside of me.

I'm a Mormon, and while I don't talk religion on here too often, I want you to know that I know it. I know how true my church is and I feel it in every bone of my body. I feel it so strongly. I suppose that this knowing and this feeling has slowly creeped up on me in ways I didn't expect. Life is hard, and when I think of mine, I feel like it's been especially hard--although I'm sure if I heard about everyone else's I'd realize how easy my life actually is. And through those hard times I've had two choices...do it by myself, or do it with God's help. While the choice may seem simple, I went at it alone a lot, only to realize that it was basically impossible. So then I'd change my mind and go at it with God, finding out how it was so much more possible to live and get through the hard stuff.

I don't know what you believe, but whatever you do believe, I respect that. I believe that God is very present, and that he knows me--better than I know me, better than anyone else knows me. And I believe that everything that happens, happens for the good of our lives and for a reason. Some reasons we find out soon, and some we may not find out for years, but there is always a reason. A good reason.

God loves me, and He loves you too, whether you choose to believe it or not. He gave his son, Jesus Christ to the world to suffer for all of us, flaws and all. Christ knows every single thing that I feel, and if that isn't love, I'm not sure what is. To end, I'd like to share this quote that makes me cry every time I read it, because it really can't be said better than this (I know it's long, but it's worth a minute of your time to read):

"We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means He knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer--how it felt for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam... He knows about drug addictions and alcoholism...On a profound level, he understands about the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion...He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's syndrome. He know your mother rage...when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and grief." –Chieko Ozaki

Know that no matter where you go, what you do, or what happens to you, you are loved. Someone knows how you feel, and someone truly does care about you. Always.

2 comments:

  1. Kailee,
    I like this a lot! :) I love hearing your testimony. You are awesome my wonderful roommate and friend! love ya!

    ReplyDelete

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