Life recently has been good. All the Cutting Fashion stuff has been a blast and made me very happy, but I think even if all of that hadn't been going on right now, I'd still be happy. Oh, I should tell you that I got a job! I'm working at JCP as a Sales Associate, so nothing too exciting, but I like it. I like working at the cash register, I like the people I work with, and I like the cute clothes that I'll buy with my discount and money (once I start making some). Not being in school has been pretty nice, despite the fact that mentally it's taken some getting used to. It's weird not to be a student but it's perfect right now.

I love my roommates and I've been trying to soak up all the time I can with them before most of them graduate or get married and move on with their lives. We have late night talks about dating and being single, we go out to eat and get pizza, we try to do fun things on the weekends when we're not all busy--like going to Nickelcity, our Tuesday nights consist of watching the Bachelor and getting way more into it than we should ("noooooo!" "Send her home NOW!" "Wait, why did he send her home?! Everything I believe about Sean is shattered!"--dramatic stuff like that), and just hanging out at home as we eat dinner and do homework (or I browse on my laptop).

My sister Carina is in Provo now, which is the greatest. We see each other a few times during the week usually and get to go grocery shopping frequently since she drinks more milk than a baby and always seems to need more. I got to have her as one of my models in the fashion show, which was great because she did awesome and I had so much fun having someone close to me there. We have fun going to the dollar theater and talking about our crazy family and how we really do miss them.

I haven't been at home very much this semester, but I still find time to see my family when they're up in Utah County for one of my brother's gymnastics meets or I go meet them in Salt Lake. I got to go home this past weekend and take a quick trip with them to Colorado for another gymnastics meet and it was the greatest. It's nice to not have school and know that since work is my only commitment, it's really easy to get it off and go spend time with them if I want. The meet was fun too...it was at the Olympic Training Center, which was sweet and we got to meet John Orosco (men's gymnastics Olympian). I've seen a lot of my extended family recently too. I helped my uncles drive a truck to Wyoming where I got to see most of my dad's side of the family and go to my cousin's baptism. I got to see them all again this past weekend when we stopped in Cheyenne on our way to Colorado and on our way back home. We got to see my cousin Jenner open his mission call and find out he's leaving for the Peru Trujillo mission July 3, which is so exciting because my other cousin on that side of the family is also in Peru. A lot of my mom's side is in Utah so we see them frequently. They came to my fashion show which was fun. My aunt is having a baby girl which we're all ecstatic about so we're throwing her a baby shower this Saturday for it.

Also..our ant problem is fixed. We haven't seen any for a week since the maintenance guy (sidenote: did you know he's an artist?! Coolest maintenance guy ever!) put some stuff out to kill the ants (the stuff where they think it's food and then take it back and it kills all of them). Last night though, I did have a dream that there were ants crawling all over my wall and it was awful. Seriously, I will never get over how much I hate ants. A few more alsos....I've finished my 8th journal since I started college; our ward is having an Oscars night where every FHE group makes a video and ours is gonna be hilarious. I will be sure to share it on here when it's done; I am obsessed with the game Flow on my phone; I'm trying to read more--just finished "The Truth About Forever" by Sarah Dessen and would definitely recommend it; I love get togethers with other friends like I always do with my freshman roommates at brick oven; and of course still obsessing over Carrie Underwood and laughed with joy when I saw a vitamin water ad with her on it (didn't care for the message much though); I love g-chatting with friends near and far..I'm surprised we didn't think of doing it sooner, but it's the best way to keep in touch. I have the BEST friends; dating life is going surprisingly well, better than it ever has been before, tho I feel like these things are sometimes are to gauge...we'll see if I have anything to update on that soon... :) Oh and I'm going to bed earlier too because work tires me. No more staying up until 1 or 2 AM I suppose, huh?

Yep. Life is bueno. :)


Cutting Fashion [Part 4]: Mall Show

A week after the BYU show we were lucky enough to also be able to do a show at Provo Towne Centre Mall. Only 5 out of the 12 designers participated, so it was a lot shorter, but we had a lot of fun and I couldn't have been happier to do another show.

All my same models did it, except for one, so I have to give huge thanks and props to my roommate Heidi (in the red dress) for stepping in at the last minute to do the show! These girls seriously are the greatest, I love them.

It was fun to do the show in a different environment. There were chairs on both sides of the runway, but most the audience were people just doing their shopping and onlookers from above the balcony. There were a ton of them, though they went as quickly as they came haha. I liked doing it in a mall though, because it was more of a fashion-y (I know, it's definitely not a word) place and the people there obviously like clothes because they were in a place where you can shop to your heart's content for them.

After the show was over, we took a few more pictures together, models and designer. I think I kept wanting to take pictures because I kind of just didn't want it to be over.

And now it's done..for now at least. I would love to do some more shows at malls with the other designers, but we'll see if it happens or not. I hope that Cutting Fashion becomes a yearly thing though, and if it does, I definitely want to do it again next year for my last year (next year really will be my last one, I swear) at BYU. Either way, I love designing clothes. Love it SO much. And if anything, Cutting Fashion has just inspired me more to keep designing. The show may be done, but the designing has just begun. :)

Growing Up...Feeling Young

I don't know what is with me lately, but I keep forgetting my age. I was looking at some random girl's pictures on facebook (she went to my high school or something...you know how somehow facebook eventually gets you creeping on people you've never even seen in real life?) and saw she was 22 and immediately thought, "oh wow, she's way older than me," and then two seconds later I was like, facepalm, I'm 21. And then yesterday I was thinking about the months and how I'm almost to my half-birthday in april and thought, "man, I'm almost half-way done with my 20th year!" Facepalm once again when I remembered my real age. Does this ever happen to you? I feel like I'm not actually old enough to be 21. Or to be even in my 20s.

It's a strange thing to now be older than the age my mom was when she got married. I just feel so insanely young. Marriage is something my parents and my grandparents have, something that people 20+ years older than me have, not something I have right now at my age (whatever age I think that might be haha). And yet, I open facebook every day to find another invite to give my address for a wedding invitation or to see someone else posting an album of their wedding pictures.

Some people I know now have babies and it literally is mind-blowing to me to think that they are beginning a life like my parents did when they had me, because I'm the oldest. They're having kids.

Life is moving by in milliseconds now when it used to just go by in seconds. [Sidenote: my high school calculus teacher actually has a very good theory of why time goes by faster when we get older. I'm not sure how well I could explain it on here, but if you ever want to hear it, just ask me next time you see me in person (or comment and I'll reply if we never see each other in person)] Days become months, and months become years (that is proven above with my inability to even keep up with how old I am).

Sophomore year of college probably rings in my "Top 3 Hardest Times of My Life." I was dealing with some really really hard stuff, my best friend stopped speaking to me, and I didn't really have any close friends to hang out with. Maybe it sounds like petty stuff to you, but it was a time when I spent most nights crying in my pillow because the tears just came and I couldn't stop them. I found the song "Stop This Train" by John Mayer and I'd just play it on repeat, listening to it over and over, because I understood those lyrics more than anyone else ever could have. Now, whenever that song comes up as I listen to music, my mind associates it with that time in my life.

I wanted nothing more than to stop my train. I just wanted life to take a quick break, just stop and give me a breather so that I could catch up with it. Unfortunately, we never get that luxury. No matter how many times I listened to that song, life went on, and eventually life did get better. It always does.

Sometimes now, I still wish I could stop the train, not always because life is hard, but just because I feel like it's moving too fast. I see myself becoming 21 when I only feel like I'm 17. I go home every once in a while to see my littlest sister losing more teeth and being able to read more words. The girls I've roomed with for over two years now (it feels like it's been much longer than that) are getting married and graduating, and now I wish I had more time with them.

I suppose that as life moves on, and as our trains get quicker every day and every year, we too become faster. We deal with more things and we get stronger and faster so that we can always stay on speed with the train. It's never going to slow down and we're never going to get younger, but maybe that's okay.

Life has already given me a plethora of things to deal with, good and bad, and I'm only 21 years old. I feel younger than that. More will come in my (hopefully) many more years of life, and I'm excited to see what it brings. I only hope that I'll be able to enjoy it before it passes by too quickly.


What I Believe

So a few weeks ago, I went to church, like any normal Sunday, but it somehow turned out to be one of the best church meetings I've ever been to. Every meeting, I found myself listening with this intentness I didn't know I had in me, and I was fighting back tears because I felt the truth so strongly in there. Ever since then, I haven't stopped feeling that amazing joy inside of me.

I'm a Mormon, and while I don't talk religion on here too often, I want you to know that I know it. I know how true my church is and I feel it in every bone of my body. I feel it so strongly. I suppose that this knowing and this feeling has slowly creeped up on me in ways I didn't expect. Life is hard, and when I think of mine, I feel like it's been especially hard--although I'm sure if I heard about everyone else's I'd realize how easy my life actually is. And through those hard times I've had two choices...do it by myself, or do it with God's help. While the choice may seem simple, I went at it alone a lot, only to realize that it was basically impossible. So then I'd change my mind and go at it with God, finding out how it was so much more possible to live and get through the hard stuff.

I don't know what you believe, but whatever you do believe, I respect that. I believe that God is very present, and that he knows me--better than I know me, better than anyone else knows me. And I believe that everything that happens, happens for the good of our lives and for a reason. Some reasons we find out soon, and some we may not find out for years, but there is always a reason. A good reason.

God loves me, and He loves you too, whether you choose to believe it or not. He gave his son, Jesus Christ to the world to suffer for all of us, flaws and all. Christ knows every single thing that I feel, and if that isn't love, I'm not sure what is. To end, I'd like to share this quote that makes me cry every time I read it, because it really can't be said better than this (I know it's long, but it's worth a minute of your time to read):

"We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means He knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer--how it felt for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam... He knows about drug addictions and alcoholism...On a profound level, he understands about the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion...He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's syndrome. He know your mother rage...when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and grief." –Chieko Ozaki

Know that no matter where you go, what you do, or what happens to you, you are loved. Someone knows how you feel, and someone truly does care about you. Always.


Cutting Fashion [Part 3]: Meet and Greet

After the runway show, we headed into the garden terrace for a meet and greet. Each designer had set up a booth decorated however they wanted, with portfolios and pictures of their work and stuff like that, and then people after the show could come say hi and see some of your previous work. Mostly everyone that came to the meet and greets were friends and family (who I regret not getting more pictures with) but I did get to hand out a few business cards, which was exciting.
these photos weren't taken at the show, but these are what my business cards look like. I adore them! I got them from moo.com and would highly recommend their website (ps. that wasn't sponsored haha)

Yay! I have awesome friends! It made me so happy to see everyone that came to the show. Also, my sister Carina modeled for me as well. She's below in the black dress.
My awesome roomies! It's disappointing that all the photos I took with them turned out blurry. :(
Thanks to everyone who came to the show! It was a huge success and a lot of fun. This is the full recap of the show at BYU but I'll still write a post about the show at Provo Towne Center mall as well as the coverage the fashion show's gotten in the news. And when I get a chance, I'll probably post about each individual look too.


Cutting Fashion [Part 2]: Runway Show

Sooo a fashion show is hard work, yes? I spent hours upon hours sewing my seven looks, fitting them on the models and then fixing the looks again, working out hair and makeup details, finding models, finding music for the show, doing rehearsals, etc. It was a lot of work. And some days while I was crazily sewing my looks I had fleeting thoughts wondering if it was all really going to be worth it. What if no one liked my collection? What if I didn't finish and had to send awful looking garments down the runway? What if nothing turned out the way I had sketched and designed? What if it wasn't everything I hoped it would be?

I think that no matter what line of work we're in, we are going to question ourselves every once in a while, and wonder if we made the right choice. Wonder if we would have been better suited somewhere else. Or wonder (and fear) if we might not even belong anywhere.

All these things crossed my mind at some point or another, whether it was a week before the show, or months ago when I didn't even know I'd be doing a fashion show. I doubted myself, I did. And then I got to be a part of all this:

And as I watched all of that happen, all of my designs walking out on the runway for hundreds to see, I knew I was doing exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. I was never happier, and that smile you see on my face above, is 110% real.

As I stood on the stage with all of the other designers at the end of the show, I felt radiant. And I thought, this is what being successful feels like. This is what it's like to follow your passion. Just so you know, it feels amazing.

I will never ever forget that day, that moment of my life. Because of that, I don't think I will ever ever stop designing. Or smiling. :)

[to see backstage photos and read part 1, go here]
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