4.18.2013

Last Words

This week has been a sad one. I find myself reading something else in the news...a bombing, a missing girl, an explosion; it doesn't seem to end. I read the stories of these people who died or who have been critically injured and I cry. The pictures are things I didn't realize existed outside of a movie screen. But it's real.

I don't know how to quite compose my thoughts on all of these things. I cried for days when I found out about Newtown in December. I cried when I heard about Boston on Monday. Those were real people in a place where I was for a whole summer last year. Those people have families and on a day that should have been filled with success and happiness, they ended up feeling heartbroken and hurt over the loss or injuries of their friends and family.

The pain in my chest is something difficult to describe, and I feel somewhat guilty for feeling it. Because it didn't really happen to me. It happened to people on the other side of the country or to people a few states away. A family lost a son this week. Another family might have lost a father or a mother. I'm so lucky to have my loved ones safe, but I still feel the pain. I still cry. It hurts. It makes me so sad.

Things like this make me want to drive home right now just so I can give my parents and siblings the biggest hug, tell them how much I love them, and never let go. Life is so precious, and it becomes more so every day. I thought earlier about what I would say to my family if I knew they were going to be my last words. And all I'd want to tell them is how much I love them. I can't say that enough to make it equal to how I feel, and I hope that they know that. I love my family so so much.

I'm scared, but I'm also grateful. I'm scared, because I don't know what's going to happen next--who will be the next victim, which place will have more fatalities. Everything is so uncertain and that scares me to death. I don't know how much longer I'll have with my loved ones or how much longer they'll have with me. But I'm grateful. Grateful to be alive and to have my family and friends alive. I'm grateful to live in a nation that comes together in times like these, as hard as they may be. I'm grateful that no matter what, I'll always have a Heavenly Father up there looking out for me.

I'm praying for anyone this week who lost a loved one, who was hurt, who was there, or who is struggling over this. I'm praying that as a nation, we can come together and rise up from the ashes. We're strong and we can make it through this.

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