8.05.2012

Goal Crazy

So I've made it a new personal goal of mine to blog every single day, even if it's something small, because I think it's really important for me to write down my daily thoughts and share them with others. So if you read this thing at all...then expect some more posting!

I feel like I have been going crazy making goals for the past few days, and it actually feels great, because they are doable goals and things that I think I can really do.

Like....I haven't bitten my nails for a whole ten days now. If you know me, that's a ton! I'm the girl who's sitting in class or church or anywhere and she's biting her nails to the core. And it just looks so gross. At least, I'm pretty sure it does, as I've never actually watched myself do it. It's funny how this whole thing started out, because I wanted to paint my toenails this cute mint green color, but I couldn't find it! So I settled for my usual purple and then was so annoyed when I was done and I found the green one. I go through quite an ordeal painting my nails sometimes because I mess up a lot and there is a lot of nail polish remover involved, so when I'm done, I'm just that...DONE. But I wanted to wear the mint green polish so bad, so I decided, what the heck, I'll paint my fingernails, even though they have maybe been painted once or twice before in my life. So I painted them, and they looked soooo cute! I tell you that it was one of the most special days of my life and I had such a happy feeling. I kept looking in the mirror, holding up my hand with my nails showing and just having a big smile on my face because I loved my painted nails so much. Right then and there I decided I would never go without painted nails again. Which meant I could never go with bitten nails again if I actually wanted them to look super cute. And that was that. No nail biting for ten days and I'm going to keep going! I have a system worked where I give myself a reward on a weekly and monthly basis and so far it's going well. This is honestly such an exciting thing, because I have bitten my nails hard core my whole life and just never planned on quitting because I didn't think it was possible, but I guess it just might be. :)

I've also just been making goals with the blogging every day and really trying hard to read a chapter of my scriptures every night. Many times I'm tired and I'll just get away with a verse or something, but it really hit me when I heard someone talking in church about how if we don't make the time to actually study our scriptures, we won't get much out of them. I can't open them up and expect to always read the exact verse I needed to read and that's all. I have to go through the whole chapter and then I will find that verse plus more. This is what I think about whenever my eyes start to droop and I'm tempted to just read a verse and go to bed.

And then in church today, I was really hit hard by what a girl commented in Relief Society (which is an hour set aside in our meeting where women 18 and older go to have a lesson and learn about stuff to help us in the gospel. The lessons are usually more geared to women, obviously) about weaknesses becoming strong. I've heard that so many times but I guess the way she worded it really stuck out to me. I mean as humans, we have a lot of weaknesses, man do I have a ton! I bite my nails, I struggle opening up to people and really sharing or speaking in large groups, my room gets messy way too easily, I procrastinate, etc. The list goes on and on, seriously! A lot of times, we think that these weaknesses will always be weaknesses. And yeah, they might improve a little, but we're always going to struggle with them no matter what. But not so! Every single one of those things I struggle with, can become strengths if we really work hard and believe that they can become so. My nails can become really beautiful one day, and people might not even ever know how ugly and deformed they used to be. Or I could become the person who is early and on-time with assignments and tasks, rather than the procrastinator. It was just really cool to realize that if I work at this stuff, it doesn't always have to be a weak thing in my life, it can be a total strength.

Basically, I know that habit breaking is so incredibly hard. I've struggled and overcome some really difficult things in my life that I never really thought I could do. I hope I keep this happy attitude of goal-making while I'm doing all this stuff, because I do want to improve on these things so much. The happiness when you truly hurdle a challenge is indescribable. You feel strong and you feel like you can do anything and you do feel so happy.

And that's my post and thoughts for the day. It feels good to get it out. And if you managed to get through this whole post...thanks for reading. :)

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