Last Night.

It's my last night in this bed, in my apartment. It's super surreal, because I'm about to leave a place that has very much become my home.

A year and a half ago, in October of 2010, I was not in a good place. I felt pretty much friendless, I was still very insecure, and I was not happy. I'd go home almost every weekend, happy to get out of Provo. I seriously hated it here and there were plenty of times when all I wanted to do was just quit school and move home.

Somehow though, I stuck with it. And it became okay. I got great roommates who I hung out with all the time and soon became my best friends. I made friends with some other girls who I'd say are also my best friends in the world. I got more outgoing in my ward and at work and made more friends there too. And somewhere along the way, things switched. Instead of home at my family being my safe place, Provo became safe for me. It became better than okay, it became great.

Tomorrow, I'm moving out and leaving. This past week has been filled with goodbyes and man have I realized how much I hate goodbyes. And it's been really hard this whole night to pack and try to choke back the tears in my throat. The hurt of leaving so many people I love for the summer is there as well. And it hurts a lot and it is so sad, but that hurt makes me so happy. It means I connected and it means I have real, true, and amazing friends. I don't know that I've ever felt so connected to people in my life before and it is such a happy thought.

So in a way, I'm crying tears of joy. Joy that I have so many wonderful friends and people in my life. You know who you are...thank you so much, for giving me a home worth crying over leaving. Thank you. :)

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