After the magnitude of my post on Monday, I wasn't even really sure what to write on here. I gave myself a few days off from blogging, trying to soak it all in. And I suppose the only right thing to say right now is thank you.
The night before I posted that blog was a restless one for me. I went to bed with millions of butterflies in my stomach and had dreams that night about how it could all go wrong and continuously woke up from them, only to see that it was 1 or 2 or 4 am in the morning and that my story wasn't scheduled to post yet. I woke up early and have never felt so scared in my life. At 11 am, when I'd scheduled to post it, I saw it on my blog, there for all to see, and then I shared it on facebook for all my friends to see.
In disbelief of myself that I had actually posted my eating disorder story on my blog, I shut my laptop and went to the local library. I was afraid to be at home, and I was afraid to confront anyone about what I'd written. I tried to catch up watching Project Runway episodes to distract myself because I was so nervous.
And then...the comments began coming, and the messages, and words from people I didn't even know. And every time I got one of those, every time someone so much as even "liked" my link on facebook, my heart stopped beating so fast and I felt relief and happiness.
Honestly, though it may have been the scariest thing of my life sharing that post, I'm so happy I did it. There are little things that occur every day that make it worth it to me, like a conversation about eating issues that I can contribute to more because I'm finally out in the open about it, an email from someone who is struggling and needs someone to talk to, the continued comments on the blog that tell me that it helped someone, and people coming up to me in person telling me how impressed they were by my sharing and experience. And now that I have shared with the whole world, I surprisingly want to talk about it more. I say surprisingly, because before it was super hard for me to discuss anything on that topic. I'd freeze up and choke on my words and want to run away from sharing. But now, I am ready and willing to talk about it with anyone. Seriously, if you'd like to ask me more questions or are struggling with similar things, just ask me in person or email me. Please!
Thank you to all my amazing and supportive friends. I never should have been worried about sharing, because of the great people I know who gave such an incredible response. Thanks for reading, commenting, or sharing your story with me. You are all amazing and I'm lucky to be in a world with so many great people in it. Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I feel really really happy right now :)