Coming back into this cycle of blogging (which is honestly going to be weird to try and start blogging again, considering it's been a while. It's like a meeting a friend you haven't seen for a while--awkward at first but then it feels like you never parted--at least I'm hoping that's how it will be.), is going to be different, and in a good way. I'm putting all of myself out there and everything on this blog will be 100% honestly, me.
So to start it out, here is a confessional post of mine...things I think people will think I'm weird for but really they won't care about either way. :)
-I have some anxiety, and I think it's been there my whole life, or a big chunk of it, but I didn't recognize it until recently. I hate talking on the phone to people and I have a hard time answering emails back right away. Some I never do answer, and I'm not proud of that. It's not that I'm necessarily scared of these things, but my mind automatically thinks something bad is going to happen. I like to have time to react to things, and I can when I get a text or even an email, but phone calls are scary and as they are becoming more scarce, they mean a bigger deal than they used to. Also, a reason I don't answer back to emails is because I think I am afraid of my own potential.
-I want nothing more than to be the next amazing designer and see my designs walk the runways at fashion weeks. However, I stop designing and sewing when I get scared I'll try and fail. Just like I want nothing more than to be a renowned designer, I want nothing less than to be a "that girl with the crappy designs" or "the girl who copied what everyone else did" or "the girl with nothing creative in her head at all." The potential to be all of that scares me, and I know that I just need to go for my dreams, or I'll regret it forever.
-I've never been kissed, and I'll be 22 next month. No, I'm not a prude and I'm not picky, it just hasn't happened yet. And honestly, I don't know if it's something I'm okay with, but it is my life, so I kind of have to be, yeah?
-I'm obsessed with Harry Potter. I know that you know this, but for newcomers to this blog, I'm warning you now, I love it. I'm reading the books for the 11th time right now and I'd probably be at Hogwarts right now if I could (even if it meant starting school with all the eleven year-old first years). But really. I know there are people out there who like Harry Potter and who love Harry Potter. To me, HP is a lifestyle. You've been warned. :)
-I like dressing cute, but my new mantra is comfy and then cute. There is nothing worse than sweating on every part of your body in a cute outfit you picked out and not being able to enjoy it (the outfit, I mean). If it's hot, i'll wear cute shorts and a t-shirt and I'll feel so much luckier than the fashion blogger sweating her whole outfit off by the end of the day.
-And to add to the last one..I'm not a fashion blogger...I used to be (but honestly, I stunk and I look back at many of those outfits and laugh), but I'm not anymore. There may be the occasional cute outfit on here, but it will be occasional. I love designing cute clothes more than wearing them.
-I had an eating disorder. And for a time in my life, it was a big deal. Now, I'm trying not to let it be. EDs are something lots of girls struggle with, and they aren't okay, but they do happen. I posted my story back in March, which was a really hard thing to do. You'd think talking about it would get easier after that, and it did a little bit, but it's still hard to get myself to talk about it. It was something I hid for a long time, so not hiding it is a very different and difficult approach. That's a "me" issue, and not a "you" issue, but I'm working on being more open about it. Hopefully I will work up the courage to write and publish more of those "meaty" posts. I still say that if you ever want to know more about this, definitely email me and I will tell you...it will also help me talk about it more. :)
-I want to be different. I want my designs to be different and I want you read of mine to be different. I want my style to be something you've never seen and my life to be something you want to get to know better. I don't want to like all the same things that everyone else out there likes (like mustaches and chevron), because I hope to be unique. I want people to think I'm as cool as I hope I am or as cool as I can be. I love finding new and different but super cool artists that other people have never heard about (you will thank me: MS MR and ZZ Ward--there are others, I promise you). I love fine-tuning myself and finding my style in clothing, music, tv shows, books, and even things as simple as deodorant and shampoo. I love finding out what makes me unique, and I hope you will like finding that out through this blog too.
And if this post was just too long for you to read, that's okay, because you should also know, that however much I always try to help it, I always seem to write long blog posts and letters. Another thing that is just me.
But one for the road...
-I secretly enjoy memorizing raps. I actually only know two, but I know them by heart and I rap them with all the gangsta (that word just lost me all my credibility) soul I have in my little white girl body. In case you were wondering, they are: Ice Ice Baby and Can't Hold Us.
[All photos from my instagram--which you should follow! what?]