Valentine's Day

I won't lie, it's never been one of my favorite holidays. In junior high and high school I would jealously see girls who had several bouquets of flowers they carried around with them all day, wishing for just one rose, thinking it'd be enough. In college, the town gets overrun by couples, leaving single people to hide away until February 15th comes, so they can go buy half-priced chocolate to eat away the pain (okay yes, that's a bit dramatic).

I'm 22 years old and for 22 years, I've never actually had a Valentine to celebrate this holiday with. It's been nights in my bedroom or "Galentine's" day parties for me. I always used to let myself get so depressed on this day, and then at one point I thought, "why?" What's the point in letting yourself be sad when you can be happy? Valentine's Day isn't necessarily about romance, it's about love. So if the only Valentines I ever get on this day are from my mom, then I'll be so grateful that someone is thinking about me, and I'll worry about what I can control and spread the love to others.

It happened in 9th grade when I anonymously sent a Valentine at school to a friend who I know wanted one and might not have gotten one. I actually spelled her name wrong, but I could tell that didn't matter when I saw the smile on her face that she'd been thought of. It happened last year when I gave homemade Valentines to all my roommates and when I got to read this lovely post by Shelby.. And it happened this year when I got to give Valentines to all the people I loved, celebrated with my toddlers class at work as we made sugar cookies and played in our heart attacked classroom, and went to the movie theater with my roommate last night.

Yep, Valentine's Day is probably more fun for people in a relationship, and it could be better if your engaged roommate and her fiance didn't take over the apartment for just one night...but it is what it is, and it all depends on what we make of it. Love isn't exclusive to people in love. It's for all of us, and sometimes, giving it is even better than receiving it. Happy (late) Valentine's Day. :) --And happy 50% off candy day today!

Constants

I wonder if one of the reasons we all want to find someone to love and have children, is to have some constancy in our lives.

I yearn to have that constancy one day. To wake up every day to a familiar face and know that in a year's time, in five years time, in fifty, we will probably still be waking up to the same faces, with addition of a few wrinkles, freckles, and wisdom.

Loving can be a risk at first, but wouldn't it be so nice to love knowing it's not a risk? Just because you know it's a love that will last?

I love my roommates and all my friends, and yet I struggle every time there is a goodbye... Every time someone gets married or moves, it breaks my heart and I find myself trying not to cry because I miss them.

I miss my old roommates. I miss my family, near and far, because I'm never always with them, as much as I would like to be.

I hope that one day soon, I'll find that constant in my life. Someone who isn't going to change the ever-crashing waves of life around me, but just help me row the oars and see the sun a little bit better.

What Gets Me Out of Bed Every Day

So there is this very inspiring girl, Josie Thompson, who writes a blog over here. She's struggled immensely with bipolar and depression and if you want to read an inspirational story, you should definitely check it out. Josie's working on something called Project 444. It's to help herself and to help others. She packed up a few belongings and is roadtripping it up in her truck going from state to state, meeting people and asking them one simple question.."What gets you out of bed every day?" And she's not going home until she has 444 answers. You can read more about that here, and you should definitely go check out her blog and give her all the support you can. I don't know her personally, but I think she is doing a great thing and wish her the absolute best in it.

Reading Josie's blog, hearing that question, and seeing videos of answers people have given her got me thinking. What gets me out of bed every morning?

You'd think it'd be a pretty easy question to answer, but I thought about it for a while. The obvious answers came to my head first...my family, my closest friends, my love for fashion, my dream to meet Carrie Underwood in person one day (ha), etc... But as I thought about it more, I realized that it's all the little things that make up life that get me out of bed every day.

Every morning, I wake up and I have a choice. I can sleep in longer, I can skip work, and I can lie there not caring and not doing anything. There are so many days when that's all I want to do, just letting life pass by without me participating in it.

But every day, I make the latter choice. I get up out of bed for a job that I really like at a place where I enjoy getting to know my co-workers and the customers around me. I get up because I get to pick a cute new outfit from my closet or I get to lounge around in my favorite Carrie Underwood or Friends (the tv show) t-shirt. I get up because I love doing my makeup every morning. I love that every day, I look at my face, and I'm somehow still not bored with it; in fact, I still think I look pretty when I smile at myself in the mirror or put on makeup in the morning. I've done it hundreds of times and yet I still love it and I still love me.

I get up because I never know if that day might be the day I think of the next great fashion design, the day I laugh so hard I cry for fifteen minutes straight, or the day I might finally meet someone who I'll fall in love with (and more significantly, someone who will fall in love with me too). I get up because I might cross a bucket list item off with my roommates or have a crazy disaster that we'll laugh about later on for years to come. I get up in the morning because there might be someone I need to help that day, or maybe there's someone in the world who needs to help me.

I get up for all the little miracles I notice that God gives me in my life....someone bringing breakfast to work when I was running too late to bring some, finding a dollar bill on the ground, a little girl telling me she thinks I'm pretty and my heart feeling all tingly inside because it's been a long time since anyone has told me that, making it through a stop light right before it goes red, a text from my mom that makes me happy no matter what it's about because I miss her and my family, bonding with a coworker at my job, or even just meeting eyes with a really cute guy.

I don't know, I guess I just get up for life. Because life is so darn wonderful. It sucks too, don't get me wrong. We all know that I've been through so much damage in my life, and I'm sure you have too. But there are so many things every day that make life really great. And the next morning when I'm struggling to want to get out of bed, I think about the day before and some of the really nice little things that happened. Then I close my eyes for five more seconds, take a deep breath, and get up and flip my feet over the edge of my bed, ready to start a new day.

What I Believe

So a few weeks ago, I went to church, like any normal Sunday, but it somehow turned out to be one of the best church meetings I've ever been to. Every meeting, I found myself listening with this intentness I didn't know I had in me, and I was fighting back tears because I felt the truth so strongly in there. Ever since then, I haven't stopped feeling that amazing joy inside of me.

I'm a Mormon, and while I don't talk religion on here too often, I want you to know that I know it. I know how true my church is and I feel it in every bone of my body. I feel it so strongly. I suppose that this knowing and this feeling has slowly creeped up on me in ways I didn't expect. Life is hard, and when I think of mine, I feel like it's been especially hard--although I'm sure if I heard about everyone else's I'd realize how easy my life actually is. And through those hard times I've had two choices...do it by myself, or do it with God's help. While the choice may seem simple, I went at it alone a lot, only to realize that it was basically impossible. So then I'd change my mind and go at it with God, finding out how it was so much more possible to live and get through the hard stuff.

I don't know what you believe, but whatever you do believe, I respect that. I believe that God is very present, and that he knows me--better than I know me, better than anyone else knows me. And I believe that everything that happens, happens for the good of our lives and for a reason. Some reasons we find out soon, and some we may not find out for years, but there is always a reason. A good reason.

God loves me, and He loves you too, whether you choose to believe it or not. He gave his son, Jesus Christ to the world to suffer for all of us, flaws and all. Christ knows every single thing that I feel, and if that isn't love, I'm not sure what is. To end, I'd like to share this quote that makes me cry every time I read it, because it really can't be said better than this (I know it's long, but it's worth a minute of your time to read):

"We know that Jesus experienced the totality of mortal existence in Gethsemane. It's our faith that he experienced everything-- absolutely everything. Sometimes we don't think through the implications of that belief. We talk in great generalities about the sins of all humankind, about the suffering of the entire human family. But we don't experience pain in generalities. We experience it individually. That means He knows what it felt like when your mother died of cancer--how it felt for your mother, how it still is for you. He knows what it felt like to lose the student body election. He knows that moment when the brakes locked and the car started to skid. He experienced the slave ship sailing from Ghana toward Virginia. He experienced the gas chambers at Dachau. He experienced napalm in Vietnam... He knows about drug addictions and alcoholism...On a profound level, he understands about the hunger to hold your baby that sustains you through pregnancy. He understands both the physical pain of giving birth and the immense joy. He understands about rape and infertility and abortion...He understands your mother-pain when your five-year-old leaves for kindergarten, when a bully picks on your fifth-grader, when your daughter calls to say that the new baby has Down's syndrome. He know your mother rage...when someone gives your thirteen year old drugs, when someone seduces your seventeen year old. He knows the pain you live with when you come home to a quiet apartment where the only children are visitors, when you hear that your former husband and his new wife were sealed in the temple last week, when your fiftieth wedding anniversary rolls around and your husband has been dead for two years. He knows all that. He's been there. He's been lower than all that. He's not waiting for us to be perfect. Perfect people don't need a Savior. He came to save his people in their imperfections. He is the Lord of the living, and the living make mistakes. He's not embarrassed by us, angry at us, or shocked. He wants us in our brokenness, in our unhappiness, in our guilt and grief." –Chieko Ozaki

Know that no matter where you go, what you do, or what happens to you, you are loved. Someone knows how you feel, and someone truly does care about you. Always.

Why God Lets Bad Things Happen to Us

I think people wonder a lot--sometimes I wonder a lot--if God loves us, then why does he allow bad things to happen to us? If God loves me, then why am I not married or in a happy relationship? If God loves me, why didn't I get into that school or make that team? If God loves me, then why do I struggle with certain issues? If God loves me, then why did he take my mother, my father, my sister, or my brother away?

I hear people and I read articles and comments that say that if there truly were a God, then bad things wouldn't happen in this world. The Holocaust wouldn't have happened, 9/11 wouldn't have occurred; Lady Gaga wouldn't be popular and teachers would be rich. People say that life isn't fair, but the thing is that life isn't fair for anyone, so in a way it makes it fair for everyone.

We may never know until after this life why terrible, awful things like the Holocaust had to happen. We may never know why some children have to die so young and innocent, when they have beautiful lives ahead of them. There are many things we won't know for a long time, but I do know that our God is a just God and a loving God. I know that we are here on this earth not just to have a cushy happy life, but to learn and to grow. And in order to do that, we have to experience things that won't always be very happy.

I believe that everything happens for a reason, even when it all seems to be going terribly. I've seen it so many times in my life. One of these times happened when I was in high school. Since I was five years-old, I'd always been a ballet dancer. It was my love of my life, and while I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to turn it into a career, I wanted to keep dancing for as long as I could. In ninth grade, I remember seeing the high school dance company perform at our school and when I watched them dance I had a dream in my head that I wanted to be on the dance company. It was a small and simple dream, but I would have given anything for it. So when the end of ninth grade and dance company auditions came around, I was so excited to try out. Unfortunately, I didn't make it, and I went home sad and cried myself to sleep. A few days to weeks later, I got over it. I'd try again the next year. I figured it was harder to make it as a sophomore anyways. Auditions came around again the next year, I auditioned, but it wasn't meant to be and I didn't make it again. I was devastated. I remember looking at the list and seeing names of my friends from ballet class who'd made it. I got back to the car with my mom and we both cried together. She knew how much I wanted it and how badly it hurt not to make it. It hurt a lot more the second time around. I never understood why, and I'd pray to my Heavenly Father and ask him why, over and over again. I would have given up anything just to be on dance company.

It hurt when the year started again and I saw all my friends performing on stage in the welcome assembly while I sat in the audience. It hurt to see so many of them come to dance class with their brown sweats and gold duffel bags that I so badly wished I could have. At the end of my junior year, I tried out for dance company one more time. I think deep down I might have known that I wasn't going to make it, but I wanted it so much in my heart, and I couldn't let myself think "what if" for the rest of my life if I hadn't tried out. So try out I did, and I didn't make it. It was probably the hardest the third time around to once again look for my name but not see it on the list. I cried more and I wondered more of why I couldn't just have this one dream, the only thing I really had ever wanted. It was a little bit after around that time that I decided to try and get my Associate's degree from WSU by the time I graduated. Since I wasn't going to be on dance company, my parents could afford it and I had time for it. I took a lot of college credits that summer and actually really liked it and then enrolled in as many AP and Concurrent Enrollment classes I could to get college credit. One of the CE courses I took was fashion merchandising, coincidentally at the same time as dance company. Up to that point, I had never cared much about fashion, beside enjoying reading my subscription of Seventeen magazine and going shopping at the mall every once in a while. I wasn't expecting much out of the class, but after my first day, I was already in love. Every day I had the class I gush to my friends about how excited I was for it and everything I was learning from it. It was amazing how much I enjoyed something I'd never really cared about before. I ended up dropping another class to take Advanced Fashion Merch the next semester because I loved it so much. Needless to say, that class basically changed my life. I dabbled in some fashion design, eventually learned how to sew, and realized that I really did want to be a fashion designer. And now in a week and a half I'm showing a collection at a BYU fashion show. :)

I now know why I didn't make dance company, why I couldn't make dance company. God had different plans for me, and if he had given me what I wanted so badly in the moment, I wouldn't have what I want and love right now. I know what it's like to struggle...and not with just the above story. I wonder today why I'm not dating anyone and I wonder why I've had such a hard time with school lately. I wonder why I had to go through some of the things I did when they hurt me so so badly.

Everything happens for a reason, and I know that God usually has really good reasons. We have to remember that when God says yes to our prayer, he might have to say no to someone else's. Life has it's course, and even when everything seems to be going terribly wrong, it is actually going right. It's always going right.

So when people ask, why God lets bad things happen to us, he lets them happen to us because he loves us. He wants us to feel the pain to relate to other human beings in the world and he wants to make us stronger so that we can handle hard things the next time they come around and so that we can help other who were once in our position.

God is a just God and he is a fair God, and he is also a loving God. Whenever we are struggling or asking God why, let us remember that everything He does is for us, and in the end, we will all be grateful that he let it happen the way He did. :)

5 Days...EEE!!!

I can't believe I am seeing Carrie Underwood LIVE in 5 days! It's so surreal to me. I am so so so excited! I wish I could just share the excitement that I feel with everyone around me so they could understand haha.

One of the reasons I really love Carrie Underwood's music is because it is totally relatable (apparently this isn't a word? but using it anyways) to my life. I think almost every song I listen to of hers I'm like "yes! that's so me!" or "she knew exactly what I was feeling and put it in a song!" For any instance in my life, good or bad, I can find a Carrie Underwood song for it and I'll feel better.

There's been one area of my life that has always been hard for me and that is...boys. It's not that it's hard for me to talk to them or to like them to even find boys that like me. It's just my love life in general that has been a pretty big trial in my life since I've been sixteen years old to now (and what I'm writing is totally serious..I'm just saying that because I could see people taking this as a joke, which it totally isn't! Sometimes funny, but true, and often hard). I've still never been in a serious relationship, or really any relationship for that matter, and I say this hoping that you won't judge me or anything, but I'm a 21 year-old girl and have still never been kissed. And honestly, that's a super hard thing to deal with. It's embarrassing, and every single day of my life I ask myself if there is something wrong with me. There probably is something wrong with me, but I don't really know what it is. In all truthfulness, I feel like I've had really bad luck with guys. I seem to attract all the boys I'm not attracted to--some of them are weirdos and some of them are nice but I just know it's never going to happen. I find lots of guys I think are cute and actually there have been quite a few that have liked me back, but for one reason or another, they stop calling, they find another girl, they have commitment issues, or they just decide they're not interested. It's the worst, and every guy I cry over I find myself thinking the same thing...that I'm done trying, that I'm done hoping, because it never really works out.

So whenever this happens, to try and get a smile out of me...I listen to this song: "The More Boys I Meet"

And for the boys that break my heart and make me cry? This song, "Undo It" is for them:

(and see those people at the concert? That's gonna be me on Wednesday!!!)

Because of all these heartbreaks and it never working out for me I think it's gotten really hard for me to let myself get close to people. There are definitely other reasons and experiences I’ve had that are too personal to share on here that contribute, but this is a big factor. I wasn't even a person to get super close to people before, but I don't think any of this has helped. I don’t let myself get my hopes up when a new guy comes along, because I’m already expecting him to drop me before anything can even happen. This is a terrible attitude, but right now I feel like I've kind of given up on guys because I just don't want to deal with any of it anymore. But I think, and hope, that when the right guy does come along, it will work out, and I will be able to open up and trust again. And when that happens, I’m going to listen to “Quitter” over and over again. I love this song so much, and I think it totally describes me. It’s my second most played song in my music library, so let that show you how much I love it.


Enjoy three more of my favorite Carrie songs and hearing all about why I'm still single haha. Until tomorrow! :)

How to Fix a Heart

We as humans are so broken. We have scars and scratches and wrinkles all over the outside of our bodies and the insides of our souls.

If we could see the soul of heart, we see hundreds of little pieces shattered, painstakingly put back together with whatever glue or thread we have left. Small little cracks and crevices would be all over it, some impossible to repair.

Once we're broken, it's difficult not to break others. We push people out because we're afraid to trust them--they can fix us but we take the risk of breaking even more, if it's possible. We yell and cry and fight and all it does is hurt us and them. We starve ourselves or drug ourselves to numb the pain, to try and make everything better and happier, but really we're just putting it off. Once it comes back, the pain comes full force, like an unwelcome firework in our chest.

One day, when the last piece shatters, when the last tear falls, we stop breaking others. Because to break others you have to break yourself a little bit too. And then comes the repair, for us and for others. We fix and glue and tape everything back together with sorries, kisses, tears, words, and hugs. We trust, we love, we forgive. We stop expecting people to break us. We let them in.

Eventually, each piece of the heart seems to mend itself with every hug, any gentle touch. Once the heart is mended, we're whole again. The cracks and crevices are still there, but they don't hurt us anymore, because the synchronicity of our heart is more powerful than any of those small cracks. We can fix the ones we once broke, and we can fix the ones who fixed us.

We love, we grow.

My Best Friend's Wedding

(l to r) Lauren, Alyne, Jessica, Sarah, Me

In about the past one and a half to two years I've become really close with four other girls--Sarah, Alyne, Lauren, and Jessica--who I would definitely have to call my best friends. They literally know pretty much everything about me, I can talk to them about anything, and we have so much fun together! Our friendship has been filled with many nights of making granola bars and falafel, late nights just talking and laughing so hard in the "no shhh zone" in the library, at the Coffee Pod, or in Alyne's basement, drooling over the gorgeous Ryan Gosling, and dozens of other hangouts doing the most fun things. Sometimes that stuff is probably only fun too because it's been with fun people. Anyways, I love these girls to death and though life is always changing and is always crazy, we try to make time for each other and support each other no matter what. Right now Jessica is on a mission :( but just this past Saturday, Sarah got married to Devin, the love of her life! Unfortunately, due to unforseen circumstances, Lauren and Alyne couldn't come, but I got to go and be a bridesmaid and have so much fun.

I didn't get a ton of pictures, just because I wanted to just have fun and there was already a photographer there taking all pictures needed, but here are a few from Sarah's special day.

It was so beautiful! They got married in the Draper temple (sorry, didn't get any photos of that, though I should have!) and then had their reception in downtown Provo on the rooftop. It's the top of a parking garage where they hold the rooftop concert series in the summer. It was such a beautiful place to have a reception, even though earlier in the day it was kind of hot. They had lights strung around as well as picture frames of the cute couple on all of the pillars.

Dinner was catered, yummy tex-mex style, and had some speeches from parents and siblings. Sarah and Devin sang this song to everyone (but mostly each other) which was really cute and beautiful since they both have amazing singing voices.

Sarah is crazy, but awesome, because she made her own cake for her wedding! She is an amazing cook and makes really gorgeous cakes. She started a blog for her cakes and if you ever want her to make your wedding cake, go there and contact her. Seeing the pictures above--and if you had tasted the cake!--you won't be disappointed. They cut the cake and totally shoved it at each other. I always love when couples do that because it's really fun and it shows they can be totally silly around each other and be fine with it.

Dinner was followed by dancing and then we all lit sparklers as they ran down to their car and off on their honeymoon!

It was a wonderful day. I had a lot of fun with the other bridesmaids and because I love weddings in general. I'm soooo happy for Sarah to have found such a wonderful husband and I wish them the absolute best together. I'm so happy that she gave me a chance to be a part of her special day :)

To My Daddio

I haven't had much time to post because my mom, aunt, and cousins were all visiting last week. It was crazy, busy, and so much fun! And obviously spending time with them comes over blogging. And I don't have much time right now because tomorrow we're leaving for Virginia for a week and a half! I have to hurry and pack because we're leaving right after I get off my internship tomorrow.

I just wanted to write a belated post in honor of Father's Day for my wonderful dad. I love him so much and I'm so grateful to have a father as wonderful as he is. When I was little, I'd write him cards on Father's Day that would say things like, "I love my dad because he makes good popcorn and kills spiders for me." And while he does still do those things, I understand that he does so much more. My dad provides for us, he's gentle, and he's loving. He knows how to build and fix just about anything and he's the most supportive dad around. Most of all, he loves my mother more than anything, and I see that every day. I'm so grateful to have a dad who I can mirror for a future husband for myself.

This year was the first Father's Day I was away from my dad, but that doesn't mean I love him any less! I love you Daddio, and happy Father's Day!! :)

Happy Mother's Day!

If I were to list everything I've learned from my mom...well, the list would never end, because I feel like I learn something new from her every single day.

Everything successful in my life I'd have to attribute to my mother. She drove me to and from all my practices and never once forgot to pick me up. She was the first one I called when I made something, and the first one I'd cry to when I didn't. No matter what I was doing or what I was going through, her support and love were always there. I'm grateful for a mother who taught me to dress modestly and a mother who taught me the value of education. I'm grateful for a mom who has never fussed over how I look, and on the days when I looked good she told me I looked beautiful, and on the days when I was a mess she told me she loved me. I'm so grateful for my mother and for everything that she's ever done or sacrificed for me. I love her so much. One day, I hope to have kids and I hope to be half the wife and mother that my mom is, because man, I got lucky. She is the best. :)

This video reminds me that behind most successful people is a dedicated, hard-working, wise, and loving mother.

I love you mama llama! Thanks for being so amazing for me in every single way. You are the greatest. :)

(Marriage) Stuff

There are two types of girls out there...one group wants to get married, and the other group is lying. I heard that quote a while ago and just smile to think how true it is.

Recently, I've become obsessed with the show Friends. I'm sure you've heard of it--the main characters are Rachel, Ross, Monica, Phoebe, Chandler, and Joey. Well today I just finished the episode where Chandler proposes to Monica after they've been dating for a long time. Their relationship was by no means perfect. They had a bunch of fights and they have so many differences that they have to work out. But the point is that they do work it out. That's what relationships are, that's what love it. It's not perfect, but it's a progression to a better both of you. And it's happy. It's not supposed to be a game or something that hurts us all the time.

Anyways, when Chandler was proposing to Monica, it made me cry, because I'm a girl, and because it was so cute. This is what he said (watch here):

"I thought it mattered what I said and where I said it. Then I realized that the only thing that matters is that you...you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way."

Lately, or maybe for just my whole life, I have really bad luck with boys. I find another one I like, make the mistake of getting my hopes up, and then get my heart broken again. Time and time again. Watching that though, let me realize that what I go through with these boys is not love. When it is love, when it's the right guy at the right time, it's going to work out. It's not going to be perfect and we're going to have a lot of differences and probably fight a lot. But that guy will also treat me like a princess and treat me the way I deserve to be treated.

All I have to say is that I cannot wait when that guy I love so much, kneels down and shows me a ring. I'll probably cry and I'll probably say yes. And at that moment, I'll realize and be so entirely grateful that it didn't work out with anyone else. :)

via

(Until then? Well I'll probably keep getting my heart broken and I'll keep trying to be the best me I can be. And keeping a lookout for the right one of course! ...jk ;))

It's that Time...

It's finals week..AH! It's all everyone can talk, facebook, and blog about. And since that's so...I don't really want to write about that. I just want to say how grateful I am for my life. It's really an amazing one. I'm in a place that I never thought I'd be at and I'm friends with people that I never could have planned on being friends with. My life is so wonderful and I'm really happy. There are some hard times, but I wouldn't trade those for anything, because they bring me the good.

And besides it being finals time, it's also the Christmas season. Yesterday I had a great chance to volunteer with one of my friends at Barnes & Noble to provide free gift-wrap and collect donations for charity. And then I watched the Glee Christmas show later and basically, it just really reminded me that Christmas is all about serving others. It's not about getting gifts and it's not even really about giving all the best gifts either. It is about giving, but it's about giving love and spreading joy. My goal this Christmas season is to serve someone who I wouldn't have normally served and someone who really needs it. It's not much, but it's something. I wanna challenge you to do it with me too! Find someone to help or someone to love. And if you do it, please email me your stories, I'd love to hear about it and maybe even share them on here. Also more than that, I want to give back and I want to serve all year round, because it's not like homeless people are only around on Christmas or people in third world countries only starve on Christmas. It happens all year round, and I hope to be able to help in some way for that.

Happy finals week, and merry Christmas in 12 days! Remember why we celebrate Christmas and remember how we should be celebrating it. That's the stuff that really matters :) This song they sang in Glee warms my heart and made me get all choked up while watching it...hope you like it too!

Day 5: My Definition of Love

I kind of already talked about love on day 2. And like I said, I've never really been in love or in a relationship. So it's hard for me to define it. But this is what I think love is. Don't get mad at me if you think I'm wrong, nice comments only!

Love is...
-when he knows I hate vegetables so when he orders for me, he knows to order it plain or get something without vegetables without me even having to tell him
-being best friends
-feeling like you can talk forever and still have so much left to say when you're done
-him thinking I look beautiful whether I'm in a baggy t-shirt and glasses, or a super cute outfit with makeup done and gorgeous
-holding hands and kissing
-not being able to imagine life without each other
-him taking me to something I love even if he could care less
-always laughing with each other
-fighting...a lot. But then making up and feeling even closer
-him knowing every single little terrible fault I have, but never bringing and then just complimenting me on what I'm okay at
-eternal
-him letting me make my own decisions and supporting me through all of them
-living and working through life together
-fun
-finding myself when I'm with him
-being around him and wanting to be a better person
-happiness

Love is not perfect. I know that. It's hard and there will be lots of bad times. Because the better life gets, the worse it gets. But love is when you find that person that makes all of that sacrifice and hardship completely and utterly worth it. :)

Day 2: Your First Love

Well..as it comes, I haven't had a first love yet. I mentioned in my last post that I've never been kissed, and I also have never been in a relationship. It kind of feels weird saying that and I feel weird all the time that I've never been in love, even though I'm at BYU where people fall in love and get married by the minute.

I'm not gonna lie, it's hard a lot of times to not even know what being in love or being in a relationship feels like. Valentines Day isn't my favorite day out of the year for sure...haha. But at the same time I've learned it's not weird and it also doesn't define me. There are some girls who don't even know how many boys they've kissed or they have a new boyfriend every week because they're afraid to be alone. I'm so grateful not to be one of those girls. I'm independent and for the most part I'm happy with my life. And I know I'm not the only one out there. I have other friends in the same boat as me and they're definitely not strange or awkward, which makes me feel better haha.

I think the one thing that makes me okay with all of this is the fact that Heavenly Father promised me in my patriarchal blessing that I would get married and that I would have kids. So I really don't need to worry. I once heard someone say that even though it hasn't happened to them yet, Heavenly Father promised it and he's not going to break that promise, so they are already rejoicing in the fact that it's going to happen. And ever since I heard that, it's been fine. I'm content with the fact that love will come into my life at some point and I can't wait for it to happen. God just has his own timetable, but it always seems to work out best, so I'll just keep letting him figure out when the right time is.

Anyways, I hope you're not disappointed you didn't get to hear about my first love. If I'd had one, I might have told you. But I don't--so there.

Have a nice day. :)

Things That Will Always ALWAYS Make Me Happy :)

• Dancing
• Piano
• Anything to do with Carrie Underwood
• Clothes/fashion (and blogging about it)
• Laughter
• Reading
• Doing schoolwork (as nerdy as that sounds)
• Blogging
• My wonderful, amazing, loving family (especially my mom)
• Helping others
  
• Scrapbooking and making cards
• Taking pictures and editing them
• Dance parties
• English classes
  
• True friends
• My religion :)
• the color Purple
• Making my delish chocolate chip cookies
• Cheez-its, goldfish, pizza, popcorn, shakes, and smoothies
• BYU
• Music
• Singing

That list could go on and on but those made the top. :) And my new goal for this year is to make one person happy every day. Because that will mean that I'll be happy every day. :)

Life Happens

This week has been pretty great. As far as school and work, I am so happy. But I guess with other things life doesn't always turn out that wonderful. Sometimes it's awful. It's been a good first week in some ways, but in others, it's been awful. :( But I don't always have control over certain situations and all I can do is do my best, work my hardest, and then hope that everything will work out.

A friend shared this quote with me today by Gordon B. Hinckley. It's so comforting:

"It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers."

All I can really do is hope for the best and trust in God. Because even if others aren't there for me, I know he will always be. Always. And that's something that makes me so happy and helps me through days that otherwise I'm not sure I'd be able to get through.

Here are some really great songs that I listen to get me through the day:

And here are some awesome quotes that always make me feel better:

"You know something; it’s not easy to break out of your comfort zone. People will tear you down; tell you you shouldn’t have bothered in the first place. But let me tell you something: there’s not much of a difference between a stadium full of cheering fans and an angry crowd screaming abuse at you. They’re both just making a lot of noise. How you take it is up to you. Convince yourself they’re cheering for you. You do that, and someday, they will." –Sue Sylvester in “Glee”

"If you strive to build in the best experiences with the best decisions, then you don’t need to worry about finding success in life—it will find you." –Lori Drake

"When life gets too hard to stand, kneel." --Gordon B. Hinckley

"Anyone can give up; it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."

"You only find a few people in this world, a few people who will tell you they love you and mean it with all their heart. Don't forget those people who stood by you through it all, the special few that were there for you till the end."

"People make mistakes. The good ones make it ‘right.' That’s all we can expect from broken-down souls on two legs."

"It doesn't matter if the song of life that you sing is simple or complicated. All that matters is how much you put into that song. Your life is controlled only by what you give to it. You won't get anything from it if you don't put feeling into life. That's why people fall in love. If they give that feeling, they get it back. Put all you've got into this life, and when the day comes for you to pass on, you won't regret what you did."

"I believe in pink. I believe laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing; kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. I believe that tomorrow is another day, and I believe in miracles." –Audrey Hepburn

"As we grow up we learn that even the one person who was never supposed to let us down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll fight with your best friend and you’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing to fast and eventually you’ll lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt."

"Just when you think things can't get any worse, they do. I've learned that life is like an hourglass. Sooner or later, everything hits rock bottom. All you have to do is be patient and wait for something to turn everything back around."

"Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use, they all mean the same thing. Happy. We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family. Happy just to be alive. Whether we like it or not. Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for the things we'll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate."

Sorry for the zillion quotes. But I love them all, and each one in some way or another goes with this post or my life right now, so I felt the need to share them. Anyways, that is my long and inspirational post for the day. Good night!

On Friendship

I love my friends. My best friends. They are what get me through life. If any of my best friends are reading this, you know who you are. These are the friends that I can share anything and everything with. We talk like there's no tomorrow and laugh for hours on end. And of course, we fight too. All friends do. And I hate it. But to get the sunshine, you have to deal with the rain, and I've had plenty of rain and sunshine in all my close friendships. But every time I fight with one of my best friends, I wonder if it's really worth it to be their friend. Or if they're really a true friend, because (supposedly) if they were, they wouldn't have let you down.

But life is not a movie and people will always let you down. Always. Why? Because we are all human and we make mistakes. I know I have let my best friends down countless of times as well. So if we were to give up every friend that let us down, we'd have none. Someone once told me, "People are always going to let you down, but it's up to you to decide which ones are worth forgiving." I hope I never forget that. I never want to lose an amazing friend because I was too stubborn to forgive. And I hope that when I let my best friends down, they will be able to forgive me. I found this poem online and I love it so I thought I'd share:

Best Friends

by Melissa Magstaff

Best friends

The title we chose

But what does it mean to be "best friends"?

You should see each other every day?

Well that's not true for you and me

Should silly little fights get in our way?

Only if that's how it's meant to be

Should we give?

Should we borrow?

Should we dance like there's no tomorrow?

Secrets are traded

Privacy invaded

Hugs and smiles are shared

Tears are shed

Love is spread

We know that we both really cared

I smile, you smile

You cry, I cry

I wish, you wish

You die, I die

If you fall

I'll help you up

And if you call

I'll always pick up

Best Friends Forever

The promise we made

And I know in my heart

That it will never fade.

I hope that all my best friends out there know how much I love and care about them. I'm grateful for my friends every single day and they mean the world to me.

"If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me."

I Work at a Daycare...and i LOVE it :)

So basically, I got the best summer job I could ever ask for! I work at a day care and I'm a head teacher in the 2 year old class. It is soooo much FUN! Everyday, there is something different that happens, whether its a funny story from one of the kids or everyone is super fussy (not my favorite days btw haha). It's only been going for two weeks, but I've already fallen in love with my job and all the cute kids! Here are some pictures of our fun times we've been having! :)

my sister..i love being able to watch over her at the daycare too!

I love my job! :) :)

p.s. this is my 100th post! yay!!!

Labor Day!

My family was so great and came down to Provo to visit me for Labor Day! It was so much fun to see everyone again. We celebrated my sister's birthday and had lunch at a little spot by Bridal Veil Falls. We had a great time! I love my fam. :)




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