the best ones

Wanna hear a cool story? So once upon a time, when I was just a lowly 19 year-old sophomore in college, I was in a terrible living situation, with a roommate/ex-best friend who refused to talk to me and a desperate need for some friends. I was really lonely, and I cried all the time. One day, out of the blue, my friend Katherine, who was also going to BYU, and a friend from my high school, called me, saying they had an open spot in their apartment and would I want it? I knew most of the other girls from high school too, not super well, but we were friends, and I knew they were all really nice and fun girls. It was honestly crazy, because they had absolutely NO idea what I was going through, they just had the feeling they should call me. It was a no-brainer for me to move out and take the spot. And let me tell ya...it was one of the best decisions I ever made.

There are some friends you hope to stay friends with forever. Some of them you do, and some of them you don't. It's hard to know how friendships will turn out when people move away, get married, and go separate ways.

For a few years, I got to live with the best roommates I ever had. They were the BEST. Our lives were filled with quote walls, road trips, Friday night hang outs and Saturday night movies, summer bucket lists, talking about boys way too late at night, making music videos, and taking a gazillion pictures. When I think of my college experience, I will always think of these girls and the amazing times we had.

Of course, life changes, and at the end of summer 2013, we all kind of went our separate ways. Some got married, the others moved, and I stayed in Provo. Not gonna lie, it was one of the hardest things ever for a few months to not have those girls as my roommates. I missed them all like crazy and it was a big adjustment. I guess I can often be an emotional and sentimental person too, which does not help in situations like that haha.

I think I kind of assumed we might not stay friends after that. Me and my insecurities...always getting the best of me! ;) I was so wrong. Since we've been roommates, we've still found time to get together when everyone is in town, do Sunday dinners with the ones still in Provo, go to mission homecomings, weddings, and be there whenever we can. And every time we do, we have a great time and laugh until our cheeks hurt (haha no joke).




We got together Thursday night, and as I started writing this post, I was just going to link the "goodbye post" I thought I'd written when we all went our separate ways, but turns out I never wrote it! It's a year and a half late, but let me just say... I'm so lucky and grateful to have friends like these. Some of the best years of my life were spent with them and they are the best. We all continue to grow and move on, but the one thing that I hope never changes is our friendship.

LOVE THEM.

Pictures from Last Week

I love going to college and living in Provo. Since I'm graduating in June and don't really know what's going to happen in my life after that, I'm trying to enjoy everything as much as possible!

I had to take this photo of my new boots in the fall leaves lining our gutter because it looked so picturesque! Fall can't leave, I love it too much!

I loved seeing my boots in the leaves so much on Sunday that I had to take a picture. Fall is the best.

A photo posted by Kailee Cristina Brown (@kikicbrownee) on Nov 11, 2014 at 6:46pm PST

Monday was FHE and we had a bonfire, roasting marshmallows and starbursts and making s'mores.

My friend Matt (also pictured in the FHE selfie up above) and I were talking about the Parent Trap handshake, so one night he came over and we learned it! Pretty great, and here's the video I posted on instagram of it:

Learned the Parent Trap handshake with @soundslikemathematics today haha.

A video posted by Kailee Cristina Brown (@kikicbrownee) on Nov 11, 2014 at 8:09pm PST

This past weekend was a fun one. Friday night I met up with my old roommate Jenna and we went to a concert at Velour, one of the local concert places people often going to in Provo. It was super fun! I haven't been to Velour in forever and when I've gone before some of the bands haven't been great, since it's a place for local bands to play. But I got to hear RKDN and VanLadyLove, both whose music I'd never heard before but now LOVE. Finding awesome new music is the best!

(l to r: Robbie (Jen's cousin), Jenna, lead singer of VanLadyLove, and me)

Jenna and I were only roommates for two months, which seems absolutely crazy to me, because it felt like we lived together for so much longer than that, and we are such great friends! I'm glad we got to hang out and hopefully we get to do it again soon!

This is one of my favorite RKDN (pronounced Arcadian) songs...it has that kind of 80s vibe that's pretty popular and cool right now:


And this is a favorite from VanLadyLove:


Saturday morning (which turned into the afternoon) I had a brunch with my best group of girl friends. It was so fun and we ended up hanging out for like 5 hours! Haha I had so much homework to do and had no time to do it because we spent so much time together. It was great though, because it was the first time all five of us were together in three years! This was us three years ago, right before Jessica left on her mission (I feel like we've changed so much since then!):

(l to r: Lauren, Alyne, Jessica, Sarah, me)

Jessica went on a mission and then Lauren went on a mission right before Jessica got back and in between all of that Alyne and Sarah got married! Pretty crazy. So we had such a blast hanging out. We've still hung out regularly and as often as possible, like once a week or every other week, but it hasn't been all of us for three years.

Haha and now here we are with a giant bear! Alyne and her husband Cameron got this bear from Costco and to say it's huge is basically an understatement! It was pretty much love at first sight for all of us with this bear, named Max. He's also an excellent cuddle buddy haha.

Anyway, I'm so glad to have friends like these ladies and still be so close with them after so many years of friendship! They are my favorites and I hope we stay friends for a long loooong time. :)

Benefits of Having Roommates

You can make a big batch of popcorn and count on there being people to eat the rest of it for you. This also goes for cupcakes, cookies, or any other kind of treat or dessert.

There are people to talk to and to tell how your day went when you get home.

They watch shows like Once Upon A Time, Project Runway, and the Bachelor with you, so that watching these shows is more exciting and makes you more justified in watching tv because it's a social event.

Even if your roommates are girls, you feel safer going to bed at night, because you know you're not alone.

They can answer the door when you can't (like if you are in the shower, in your room with headphones in, or getting dressed).

They make you sane because you have people to talk to, instead of going into work at 1 and realizing that saying hello to your coworker was the first word you said all day.

You have people to take pictures with.

More dishes.

If you have roommates it means you will have more social activity. Because they will invite you to things and they have friends that you haven't met yet. And they can invite their friends to your social events so they're more fun and exciting.

You can do things like write bucket lists and make dinner together. You can have inside jokes together and be crazy and have people know things about you that they probably wouldn't know if they didn't live with you.

It's like a sleepover every day! Duh!

Grocery shopping is infinitely more fun and exciting. Or at least less lonely and you probably will spend less money.

Depending on how many roommates you have (let's say you have 5, like me right now--although that's about to change tomorrow), you get 5x more clothes! I should really take advantage of this more often.

It's fun, it's happy, and it's the best. Maybe that depends on you roommates, but I love mine. They are my  best friends and I have the most fun ever with them. And after spending this weekend alone (I had to work and everyone else went home to see their families...now you see where this post is coming from, yeah?), I was excited to have them back. Four of us are moving into a new apartment today, while the other two are getting married this month, Kelsey's being this Saturday! It's gonna be pretty dang exciting.

And yeah, probably within the next few years I would love for my permanent roommate to be a man, but for the time being, these girls are definitely the next best thing. :)

All of us at our last roommate breakfast on Friday. Pretty much the last time we'd all be together as roommates. Hence the reason why some of us look tired/makeupless/in our pjs. Mmmm, that breakfast was good though. :)

Lucky

In the midst of everything that goes on in life--school, work, relationships and heartbreak, events out of our control, and random happenings--I'm so lucky and so grateful to be best friends and roommates with these girls.

I moved in with them at a really hard time in my life...I was still dealing with my eating disorder and I'd just gotten out of a really crappy roommate situation that had kind of thrown me into somewhat of a depression. And while they didn't really know that any of that was going on, at least not to those extremes, I knew they were there for me. I'd come home and they'd ask me how my day was and on weekends whoever of us was there would hang out and have fun together. Every Sunday we took whatever we had in our cupboards and made something delicious together. After we'd all get home from school on weekdays, we'd all be in the kitchen together making our separate dinners and discussing how our days went. Late nights were spent talking about more serious things like boys and other topics that didn't leave our bedrooms. When I spend time with these girls and look back on all of the fun times we've had together, I think of love and I think of happiness.

When I spend time with these girls, my bad days turn good and my scowls turn to smiles. Whether it's celebrating one of our birthdays (today we celebrated Kelsey's), throwing a huge party, or just staying in for a movie, being with my roommates makes me happy.

I'm seriously one of the luckiest people in the world to have friends always there for me whenever I need them. After the end of this summer, we'll all be going our separate ways...two getting married, two moving away for jobs or internships, one still in school, and one not in school but still trying to move forward in her life (me). No matter where life takes all of us, I'll look back on these days as happy ones, mostly because I got to be friends with these awesome girls.

almost. done.

Blogging every day didn't work out too well...oops! We'll try again soon. Life goes on :)

I just finished reading this post when it really hit me.

I'm starting my last year at my dream college.

And then I'm done.

It's so crazy, because ever since I was like five (maybe not that young, although I wouldn't doubt it) I wanted to go to BYU. I see friends from my old town and they are like, "so are you at BYU?" because everyone knew it was my dream school.

And now, just like that, it's almost all over.

I worked pretty hard to get here, and not gonna lie, but the past three years have been tough and I've learned more than I ever thought I would while just going to school. But they have also been pretty darn amazing.

I took a lot of it for granted. There is no feeling like being at a university. No matter where I go, there will never be a place like this again where so many things are free and where so many people simultaneously spend their lives studying to death, trying to have every ounce of fun they can in the day, and still getting some sleep while doing it all.

This is it. One year left and then I'm gone from the place I've dreamed of for so long.

That really scares me a lot because I'm definitely ready to leave school and homework, but I don't know if I'm ready to move on to a new stage in life.

But there are more dreams that await.

Dreams of a career in fashion design that makes me just giddy thinking about it, dreams of living in new places, and dreams of finding a prince charming and someday having a family.

There will be so much left behind when I leave this awesome school, but there is even more to come. :)

(I will always remember the above photo as "the first photo of college." It was taken at freshman orientation with two of my freshman roommates Brooke (middle) and Hollie (right). For some reason I love this picture. I guess because it signifies the beginning of something very exciting in my life. Crazy, because it literally feels like just last week when this picture was being taken. Wow.)

Welcome to College

Welcome to college. It's the place for you!

There's a school for everyone (I chose BYU).

Classrooms, hallways, and buildings galore,

They probably even have a bookstore.

There's parties and freedom with lots of late nights,

Just make sure you have some hours of sleeping tight.

You get here, excited to start anew

Even more excited to leave mom's vegetable stew.

Unpacking and decorating your room, it's all so great!

Hopefully you get some nice roommates...

Saying goodbye to mom and dad

Will probably make you a teeny bit sad.

The first week is filled with job-hunting, new teachers,

Lots of syllabi, and cheering your football team from the bleachers.

You dance like crazy and make plenty of new friends,

It's all fun games until it all ends.

Then it becomes....

Boring classes, three tests in a week;

Camping out in the library, forget about sleep.

Teachers are piling on homework and reading,

It’s a miracle if you can make time for eating.

Awake all night trying to study for a test

Only to take it the next day and get a D-minus.

10-page paper due one day, a presentation the next,

The realization comes—you’re taking way too many subjects!

The happy campus you thought you once knew,

Becomes a place crazier than the zoo.

Too many girls on diets, trying to avoid the "Freshman 15,"

"I quit," becomes some students' new routine.

There are couples all over, dotting the grounds,

When single people see them, their smiles turn to frowns.

The first snowfall comes: you get slush in your shoes

And make a resolve to buy some rain boots.

You get so homesick missing your parents,

These bills coming in make you scared to pay rent.

Students get creative, taking naps any place they can find,

A bench, a chair, the floor, anywhere to recline.

Going to great lengths to keep yourself alive,

And as the end of the semester nears, you think you might just survive!

Finals come and go and before you know it, you’re done!

It’s probably okay to have some fun.

And so…

The parties return, excitement is bursting.

No more worrying about a grade that is hurting.

You think to yourself, “Now that wasn’t so bad,

Next semester will be cake compared to that!”

And so in your ignorance you go online,

To register for classes at least one more time.

Welcome to college, it’s a little bit wild,

It’s exciting and scary, leaving life behind as a child.

Just know that one day, when you are old and gray,

You’ll look back on these times, smile, and think, “I loved those days.”

The College Student's Survival Guide to Homesickness, Loneliness, or Hard Times

Well I know there are more of you homesick and lonely college students out there, because yeah, there are a ton of people who are social (including me) but everyone gets lonely at some point. I mean come on, it's college. And since I feel like I'm pretty much an expert on this topic, I'll share some tips that have helped me get through the semester...

1. Be sad. You're probably thinking, what??? Who does this girl think she is?! But really. It's ok to be sad! We are human and we have a lot of emotion within us. If all we are showing or letting out is the happy side, we can get really really depressed on the inside and it's unhealthy. But this goes both ways...don't be sad all the time. You need a little of both emotions to balance out your life. So just know that it is definitely okay to cry and let it out, but make sure to laugh and let all that out too.

2. Find something small that you know you can look forward to and do every day. For me this is my fashion blog. I've said this a billion times, but that blog has pretty much saved my life this semester. It's nice to have something to "live for" every day because I have to dress cute and take pictures and blog about it, so I can't let myself go completely. For a while I was also dancing every day but my life got busy and my blog took priority on time. But find something that's good for you. Whether it be reading a good book for an hour (if you are Mormon, something other than your scriptures--although they are also wonderful), exercising, playing an instrument, etc. Find something that is good for you and the key word here is to do it every day. I promise this will help and you will find yourself while doing it. This is huge for me. Oh and I would recommend not taking a nap or just laying in bed for this. Do something active or something that goes with your personality.

3. Find something long term that you can look forward to. For me, this is going home on certain weekends or on breaks. I go home for a weekend and it seriously breaks my heart to come back. I just feel like bawling. But it helps immensely to already know the next date when I'm going home so I can countdown to it and know that I do have something to look forward to, I just have to survive the next few days/weeks. For those of you who don't go home, it can be the weekend, but try and have something fun planned already. This helps if it is already planned because then you have a set date you can count down to. Maybe if you have a long distance boyfriend or are writing a missionary, count down the days until you see him or get a letter. Countdown the days until Christmas or the new semester. Again on this one, find something that works for you and that you know you'll always look forward to.

4. Have friends that you know you can turn to and who will listen to you. You're not going to get through this alone. You need people that really love you by your side. And I say friends (plural) because you have to have more than one, because if you have one person you are relying on and they let you down, you are left with no one. Have at least 3 close friends you can turn to and go to them when you need a friend. I've been so lucky this semester to be blessed with so many friends that have been there for me. Last year I had one best friend (who is one of my roommates now) but this year she completely ditched me and hates me. We don't even talk. It's so hard to deal with that hate and the only way to counteract that is with love from others. It's exhausting and so hurtful to deal with someone hating you all the time, so you need others that will love you all the time. My roommates from last year and my roommates this year as well as a few other friends have been my support through all of this and I know they really care about me and are there for me. And through this I've learned that even if I do have one best friend or if I'm in a relationship, I don't want to let all my other friendships go. I'm lucky that they all have been there for me this year when I really wasn't the greatest friend last year.

5. Use the gospel in your life. For those of you who aren't LDS, this might not apply to you as much though it still can and I can definitely say that it'd be worth it. I couldn't have gotten through any of this semester without God on my side. Prayer, scripture reading, and church have been miracles for me. Whenever I'm so down, I just get on my knees and pray for a long time, until I feel better. Because I know Heavenly Father is there for me and he'll listen for as long as I need him to and won't ever let me down. Also through the gospel, I know that this trial is for the best in my life and that eventually it will be over and I'll be blessed in wonderful ways. I just have to hold on and stay close to God.

6. Have a place you can go to and be alone. Most college students don't have their own room and share with someone else. This can be super hard because it means your room can only be your solace so much because you don't want to just start bawling when your roommate is in there talking on the phone, doing their homework, or trying to sleep. So whenever I need to be alone, I'll go in my car or I also have a place on campus that pretty much no one else knows about that I can cry freely or just know that I'm not going to be bothered.

7. Find a group or a niche that you can belong to. Being in a group of people will give you more purpose in your life. I (try) to go to Hip-Hop club every week and it helps because I can just dance and forget about everything else and it is also a place where I know I'll have friends and we can just have fun there. Most colleges have lots of clubs that I'm pretty sure there would be plenty for you to join. BYU has pretty much every club imaginable. If you go to BYU go to their club page for a list of all the clubs they have. Or if you like sports, join an intramural team or get a group of people together in your ward or apartment complex and go play something every week. Something to get you involved is good.

8. Be social! Some days, you might just be feeling super sad and lonely and not want to do anything, but it's these days that you'll need people the most. Make friends in class and in your ward and when people invite you to do stuff, GO. It'll make you feel better and forget about your worries. College can be lonely, but it can also be lots of fun! Take advantage of the great social life at college, because it won't ever come again and you'll regret it if you didn't have fun. Go to dances, events like theatre productions, sporting events, and dance concerts, or just go out with friends and hang out. Have fun and things will be happier and time will go by faster.

9. Tell people that life is hard. Don't pretend like life is all great and happy because that does nothing. I mean, don't just bring it up and be like, "Oh by the way, my life is terrible, just so you know." But if people ask (genuinely) how you're doing, it's okay to tell them life is hard. At first, I would just tell people life was great but then I realized it was pointless and that I was pushing people away who cared. Telling people your life is hard right now is not weak. It makes you human and real and people love that. Honesty is an important quality and people really respect you when you're honest about your life.

10. Be positive and get through it. Yes life is tough right now, but that is how life is. We all have hard times and we all go through trials. Get yourself through it the best you can. Your life will not always be difficult and good things really are right around the corner. And try and stay positive through it all, because although it's okay to tell people you're going through a hard time, no one likes a Negative Nellie. Everything really will work out though. Just keep your chin up and smile. :)

I hope that helped some of you...I think this really applied a lot to my life so writing this helped me a ton. But I hope this helps at least one person out there (I did spend an hour writing this!). Thanks to everyone for all the wonderful comments and support. I really am so lucky. :)

*Pictures from Google Images*

Back to Basics

I don't really know what to blog about, but I really would love to blog about something so that's that story haha.

School this week was really good..everything else was ok. I really really love my classes SO much. Seriously I am so happy every time I go to all my classes. I am definitely in the right major. College life in general can be so lonely sometimes. I really miss my family at times, but whenever I feel alone here, I'm reminded of how many friends I have that love me here. There are soooooo many people that love me here. And whenever I'm lonely, Heavenly Father let's me know without fail every single time that I have a friend. He is definitely watching out for me. So I would just like to say thank you to all my wonderful friends out there that have been there for me so much this week. I love my friends. :)

Some fun things I did this weekwas to go to hip-hop club (super fun), hang out with some of my old roomies from last year, have a girls night with Hollie and Chelsey (also roomies from last year), and hang out with my new roomies Jenna, Emily, and Megan. I love them, they're so great! Sorry, I haven't really been taking pictures, but I promise to start taking some more.

Today we had a regional conference that was at the Marriott Center. It was packed! They had to have overflow in one of the other BYU buildings because there wasn't enough room in the Marriott Center (and it holds lots and lots of people). I went with my roommate Jenna and we got really lucky to find seats. Getting out was CRAZY!

The Marriott Center...so full!

All the cars behind us as we were trying to get out. The traffic was pretty nuts.

Jenna and me!



The conference was soooo good though! We were lucky to have 3 general authorities there: Sister Julie B. Beck, Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, and President Boyd K. Packer. Tonight there's a CES fireside with Elder Richard G. Scott (got to lds.org to watch it tonight!) so that will be good (I rode in an elevator with him once btw). I think I'll probably just watch it here at home with my roommates. I don't think I've heard this many general authorities speak in one day besides general conference. I looooove BYU!

I just finished watching "The Errand of Angels," a movie about sister missionaries, with Jenna and Emily so now I think I'll go read my scriptures or a book or just take a nap. That's all I have to say for today though. Life is pretty ok. :)

And I know I only update this blog every few days but make sure to check out my other blog, which I update pretty much every day with what I wear. It's so fun!

Happy Days Have Come My Way.. :)

College is happy, good, and still so FUN! Just some pictures from the past few weeks.. :)

What we do for fun...

Yes...Brooke, Hollie and I did this video at like midnight. So if you want a laugh and haven't already seen it on facebook, here is our amazing show. Trust me, you'll die of laughter it's so funny! :D

Just Bored ;)

I don't know why, but I'm kind of bored right now, and my roommates are all busy, so I'm just writing in my blog. I only posted like 12 hours ago, but when I have nothing else to do, why not? :)

I can't remember if I said this already, but my calling is being on the compassionate service committee!!! We just had a meeting and I can already tell that it is going to be such a great and fun calling. There is one girl from each apartment that is on the committee and we have to watch the other girls in our dorm to see if they need anything or help them out. Then as a committee, we'll think of stuff to do for them. It's going to be great being able to serve everyone and have fun doing it. I love doing things for other people, so I feel like being on this committee is really perfect for me. I'm so excited!!!

Today there's a game at four, but I'm working from 2 to 6, so I don't think I'll make it. The relief society broadcast is at 6, so I think I'll just go to that straight after work. They're rebroadcasting it tomorrow, but I'll already be there, so I might as well see it tonight.

So the best movie ever came out yesterday.....FAME! I have been dying to see this movie ever since I heard it was coming out and its finally been released in theaters! I haven't seen it yet, but I already know its probably going to be one of my favorite movies. I'm gonna see it next week with my family for my birthday, so hopefully I can wait that long... :) There's a music video I really like, so I put it on here. You can also see the trailers on youtube. Oh, and the movie is even PG. Yay!!! :)

Happiness Is... :)

I have been so happy here at college. Like I can be whoever I want to be. In high school, there were cliques, and sometimes I felt like I couldn't completely be myself or I had to be "cool." But here, I'm myself--crazy, girly, random. :D

One of the reasons I'm feeling so great is because of ballet. It was so hard to quit last year (I had dancing withdrawals, no joke) but coming back to something I adore after leaving it just made it that much more valuable. I appreciate ballet so much more now and I try so hard every day, because I don't want to take it for granted. It's also weird because I feel like I'm doing so much better than I did before in ballet, even though I haven't done it for a year. I think the main reason of this is confidence. Here at BYU, I've had a fresh start where no one knows how well I dance or who the best dancers in the class are. At Clytie Adams, it seemed the same every year and there was a lot of competition, even though we were all still nice to each other. I like how everyone is chill here and its not really about being better than another person, it's about being better for yourself. :)


Tonight, I got to see one of my best friends from my home ward, Lindsay. I was so happy when she told me she was in town. It was great to just catch up and talk. I loved the girls in my home ward, and seeing her was like having a little bit of home here. We talked for like four hours and then went out for a late snack at Carl's Jr. with her mom (who was my old young women president, so it was great to see her too). It made my night being able to hang out with her!

Nothing else exciting has been happening in my life, but I feel good. College life is treating me well. I have one week left of childhood, isn't that strange? One week until I'm 18, become an adult. I'm excited and scared at the same time. I know I won't feel different, but it will be different. People will treat me like an adult, expect me to make smart choices, and be responsible. My voice will be heard and my vote will count. I'm probably making this a bigger deal than it really is, but being an adult is important to me. I have to make my own decisions and maybe influence others too. It's weird, but its a new chapter of my life I'm anxious to start!