almost. done.

Blogging every day didn't work out too well...oops! We'll try again soon. Life goes on :)

I just finished reading this post when it really hit me.

I'm starting my last year at my dream college.

And then I'm done.

It's so crazy, because ever since I was like five (maybe not that young, although I wouldn't doubt it) I wanted to go to BYU. I see friends from my old town and they are like, "so are you at BYU?" because everyone knew it was my dream school.

And now, just like that, it's almost all over.

I worked pretty hard to get here, and not gonna lie, but the past three years have been tough and I've learned more than I ever thought I would while just going to school. But they have also been pretty darn amazing.

I took a lot of it for granted. There is no feeling like being at a university. No matter where I go, there will never be a place like this again where so many things are free and where so many people simultaneously spend their lives studying to death, trying to have every ounce of fun they can in the day, and still getting some sleep while doing it all.

This is it. One year left and then I'm gone from the place I've dreamed of for so long.

That really scares me a lot because I'm definitely ready to leave school and homework, but I don't know if I'm ready to move on to a new stage in life.

But there are more dreams that await.

Dreams of a career in fashion design that makes me just giddy thinking about it, dreams of living in new places, and dreams of finding a prince charming and someday having a family.

There will be so much left behind when I leave this awesome school, but there is even more to come. :)

(I will always remember the above photo as "the first photo of college." It was taken at freshman orientation with two of my freshman roommates Brooke (middle) and Hollie (right). For some reason I love this picture. I guess because it signifies the beginning of something very exciting in my life. Crazy, because it literally feels like just last week when this picture was being taken. Wow.)

Change

The end is near. I'm leaving Provo on Wednesday, then my roommates, some other friends, and I are going to the Grand Canyon on a road trip from Thursday to Sunday, then it's Harry Potter world and a Disney cruise with my family from Tuesday to Monday, then it's a week at home, and then the second week of May I take off for Boston.

I want to say that I'm so totally psyched to be going to Boston, and I know that will come, but right now I'm just feeling incredibly scared. It's been a week full of goodbyes with my roommates, best friends, and people who I've come to know and love in this place I now call home.

Change is hard. It always is. When my family moved when I was fourteen it was hard. I found myself crying in my bed the night we moved, so scared and feeling so lonely. But I got through it and good things came from the move. I'd never change how it happened because of all of the people I met because of it and how much I love where we live now. Change was hard when I came to college. My parents dropped me off in the Wilkinson Center and as I gave them goodbye hugs and watched them turn the corner, the tears couldn't help but come. But college turned out to be great and the best thing that could have happened for me in my life at that time. When I moved apartment complexes last year, getting different roommates and moving wards, I knew it was for the best, but I got there and my first night in my now apartment, I cried. But that might have been one of the best changes I ever made, because I got the most amazing roommates I ever could have and the best ward. And right now as I sit in my bed, my second to last night in this bedroom, the tears slide down my cheeks. Because change awaits, and in my life, change generates tears.

Change isn't a bad thing, it's just a hard thing, and it really is okay that I cry over it. The tears mean that I'm leaving something I care about, something that was the best thing for me at that time in my life. And the change means that it's time to move on, because something else will be better for me at the time coming up.

I promise I'm not ungrateful, and I know it's probably going to be one of the greatest summers ever. Right now though, I'm just going to let the tears come. Out of fear of the unknown and the pain of leaving the ones I love.

It'll be okay. :)

My roommates and I this past Sunday. I love this picture, and I love these girls even more. :)

One of Those Nights...

You know, sometimes it's just better to go to bed at times like this, even if you have a billion things to do. Because as much as you want to stay awake and do those billion things, everything keeps messing up and it just makes everything worse and you can't help but cry. Frustration is not fun.

So I think..I will go to bed right now and try and get these things done in the morning. Because I just feel like nothing is getting done and if I try, it will only end in more tears. Yeah, it's one of those nights. Maybe I will read a book...that never fails to make me feel better. :)

On a happier (?) note, I had a physical today and had to get my blood drawn for the first time I can remember in my life. I got a tuberculosis test over the summer because I worked at the day care and after getting that tiny little prick, I almost passed out. Not good. So the build up for this blood draw was crazy insane and intense. I couldn't stop thinking about it and I just started crying every time I did. I brought my friend Addie with me this morning and she held my hand and distracted me very well as I went through the torturous blood draw...

....which actually wasn't that torturous! It really was only a prick, and yes, I cried a little (okay, a lot...) but I totally did it without dying or passing out. A definite success. And while I'm not going to be donating my blood anytime soon, I feel like I might be able to do this again in the future if I have to. I have overcome my fear. :)

Proudly showing off my bandaid haha :)

Now. I'm going to bed. Good night.