Last Words

This week has been a sad one. I find myself reading something else in the news...a bombing, a missing girl, an explosion; it doesn't seem to end. I read the stories of these people who died or who have been critically injured and I cry. The pictures are things I didn't realize existed outside of a movie screen. But it's real.

I don't know how to quite compose my thoughts on all of these things. I cried for days when I found out about Newtown in December. I cried when I heard about Boston on Monday. Those were real people in a place where I was for a whole summer last year. Those people have families and on a day that should have been filled with success and happiness, they ended up feeling heartbroken and hurt over the loss or injuries of their friends and family.

The pain in my chest is something difficult to describe, and I feel somewhat guilty for feeling it. Because it didn't really happen to me. It happened to people on the other side of the country or to people a few states away. A family lost a son this week. Another family might have lost a father or a mother. I'm so lucky to have my loved ones safe, but I still feel the pain. I still cry. It hurts. It makes me so sad.

Things like this make me want to drive home right now just so I can give my parents and siblings the biggest hug, tell them how much I love them, and never let go. Life is so precious, and it becomes more so every day. I thought earlier about what I would say to my family if I knew they were going to be my last words. And all I'd want to tell them is how much I love them. I can't say that enough to make it equal to how I feel, and I hope that they know that. I love my family so so much.

I'm scared, but I'm also grateful. I'm scared, because I don't know what's going to happen next--who will be the next victim, which place will have more fatalities. Everything is so uncertain and that scares me to death. I don't know how much longer I'll have with my loved ones or how much longer they'll have with me. But I'm grateful. Grateful to be alive and to have my family and friends alive. I'm grateful to live in a nation that comes together in times like these, as hard as they may be. I'm grateful that no matter what, I'll always have a Heavenly Father up there looking out for me.

I'm praying for anyone this week who lost a loved one, who was hurt, who was there, or who is struggling over this. I'm praying that as a nation, we can come together and rise up from the ashes. We're strong and we can make it through this.

almost. done.

Blogging every day didn't work out too well...oops! We'll try again soon. Life goes on :)

I just finished reading this post when it really hit me.

I'm starting my last year at my dream college.

And then I'm done.

It's so crazy, because ever since I was like five (maybe not that young, although I wouldn't doubt it) I wanted to go to BYU. I see friends from my old town and they are like, "so are you at BYU?" because everyone knew it was my dream school.

And now, just like that, it's almost all over.

I worked pretty hard to get here, and not gonna lie, but the past three years have been tough and I've learned more than I ever thought I would while just going to school. But they have also been pretty darn amazing.

I took a lot of it for granted. There is no feeling like being at a university. No matter where I go, there will never be a place like this again where so many things are free and where so many people simultaneously spend their lives studying to death, trying to have every ounce of fun they can in the day, and still getting some sleep while doing it all.

This is it. One year left and then I'm gone from the place I've dreamed of for so long.

That really scares me a lot because I'm definitely ready to leave school and homework, but I don't know if I'm ready to move on to a new stage in life.

But there are more dreams that await.

Dreams of a career in fashion design that makes me just giddy thinking about it, dreams of living in new places, and dreams of finding a prince charming and someday having a family.

There will be so much left behind when I leave this awesome school, but there is even more to come. :)

(I will always remember the above photo as "the first photo of college." It was taken at freshman orientation with two of my freshman roommates Brooke (middle) and Hollie (right). For some reason I love this picture. I guess because it signifies the beginning of something very exciting in my life. Crazy, because it literally feels like just last week when this picture was being taken. Wow.)

Last Night.

It's my last night in this bed, in my apartment. It's super surreal, because I'm about to leave a place that has very much become my home.

A year and a half ago, in October of 2010, I was not in a good place. I felt pretty much friendless, I was still very insecure, and I was not happy. I'd go home almost every weekend, happy to get out of Provo. I seriously hated it here and there were plenty of times when all I wanted to do was just quit school and move home.

Somehow though, I stuck with it. And it became okay. I got great roommates who I hung out with all the time and soon became my best friends. I made friends with some other girls who I'd say are also my best friends in the world. I got more outgoing in my ward and at work and made more friends there too. And somewhere along the way, things switched. Instead of home at my family being my safe place, Provo became safe for me. It became better than okay, it became great.

Tomorrow, I'm moving out and leaving. This past week has been filled with goodbyes and man have I realized how much I hate goodbyes. And it's been really hard this whole night to pack and try to choke back the tears in my throat. The hurt of leaving so many people I love for the summer is there as well. And it hurts a lot and it is so sad, but that hurt makes me so happy. It means I connected and it means I have real, true, and amazing friends. I don't know that I've ever felt so connected to people in my life before and it is such a happy thought.

So in a way, I'm crying tears of joy. Joy that I have so many wonderful friends and people in my life. You know who you are...thank you so much, for giving me a home worth crying over leaving. Thank you. :)

A Non-Happy (Bad) Day

I'm really sorry. I took no pictures today and I didn't dress cute. :( My life is an absolute nightmare right now and it hasn't been a good day. I couldn't really get myself into dressing cute today, but I promise, I'll be posting tomorrow with a new outfit, happy mood or not! It's just been a bad day. I'm pretty sure tomorrow will be better because it can't get much worse than this. I'd rather not go into details, but I'd love it if you guys kept me in your prayers. I totally need it. Thanks for understanding! :)

Last day with my BFFs. :(

This was the last mutual for some of the graduated laurels and it was so sad to say goodbye! We went to a reception for Laura's sister and then went afterward to Pace's to sit at our regular table. Its pretty much the best!


On Thursday, August 13, it was my two best friends Laura and Courtney's last day before they left for college! It was so depressing, especially since I wasn't leaving for another two weeks. So we decided to have a day where we spent most of it with eachother. It was lots of fun! We rode the frontrunner to the Gateway, went shopping, bought friendship bracelets, had Hawaiian Ice and then had a sleepover. It was so sad the next morning when we had to say goodbye, because I knew it would be the last time I'd see them for a long time. It was so hard not to cry. :'( Now they are gone with Laura at Dixie and Courtney at Snow, but thank goodness for texting, because I've still been able to talk with them a lot. :)