Summer

It's consisted of...

fro-yo and deep late night talks
night hikes

festivals
face painting
weddings

chick-fil-a and in 'n out

mosquito bites
non-stop reading

fangirl by rainbow rowell

slurpees and sodalicious
videography (weddings, work, mission homecomings)


school, and finishing it up
bonding with my camera

pretty little liars
hanging out with old friends and meeting new babies

allergies
trampoline gyms

walking home in the middle of the road
kickball
sewing

indie music
barbecues

texas roadhouse rolls
skirts and shorts and summer dresses

temple trips

concerts in the city

traveling

swimsuit shopping
driving and walking home in torrential rain

This season is always so good to me :)

Lessons Learned

I got a less than desirable score on one of my tests today and it made me mad for so many reasons. One, I really love the class it was for, Theories in Family Perspectives. It's a required class in my major, so I'm only taking it because I have to, but turns out that the class is actually very interesting and my professor is great, so I absolutely love the class and everything we're learning in it. It's all super useful and interesting!

The majority of my frustration, however, comes from the fact that I know I could have done way better on the test had I just given myself more time to take it. I didn't go into the testing center until 9 and it closes at 10, and even though I'm a fast test taker, I was rushing to finish at the end and I'm absolutely sure I would have done better with even just a half-hour more.

Which brings me to the title of this post, which is that sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. We have to experience unfortunate things, like getting a bad score on a test, so that we learn and don't do it again.

My week this week is INSANELY busy. It's midterms week so I've had two tests and a ton of things due, and on top of that, I'm working more hours this week and I have to sew things for a fashion show coming up in three weeks. It's been so busy, and yet somehow, I still can't help but be a yes man.

Yesterday, I told this guy in my ward that he could come over and use my machine to sew some stuff, which was fine. But today, I realized I should have told him I was just way too busy. But being the nice person I feel like I always have to be, I let him come over, just telling him I was busy and he couldn't stay for long. Buuut, I think he kinda liked me and was thinking I liked him, so he was just making conversation and he stayed for like an hour, way longer than I had planned for! I wasn't annoyed at him or anything, he's a nice guy, I was just annoyed with myself, because I'm in charge of managing my schedule and I did it poorly. This unfortunately meant that I couldn't go to institute (one of my favorite parts of the week) because I had to study for my test, and because it was so last minute studying, I wasn't able to give myself enough time to take the test.

I realize this is really a pointless blog post, but I'm just kind of mad. Mad because I could have done well if I'd had enough time, mad because I didn't get to go to institute (and then came to find out from my roommates later that there had been Costco pizza AND Krispy Kreme donuts for the treats, which made me want to cry), and mad because I put other people before myself.

That isn't always a bad thing to do, but today I realized that I need to do it less. Good for me for helping someone, but in the end, I did badly on my test, which will affect my grade in the class and ultimately my GPA. I could have helped him tomorrow or later too when I had more time. Point being, you can't help others until you help yourself. I'm not saying to be selfish, but it's important for me to take care of myself and take care of the necessary things FIRST.

Anyway, my lowest test score in the class will get dropped so I just have to study really well for all the other tests and do much better than I did today, so that's good, but lesson learned! I hate learning things the hard way. :P Rant over!

Last Semester

Let me just say, this has been such a year! And last semester was such a school semester! It was so good, and really the best way to describe it was that it was filled with growth. Not growth from life is hard, but just so much growth from new experiences and learning! I meant to write this post at the end of last semester, and now we're at the middle of January, but I felt like it needed to be written, because there are things in life I want to remember, and one of them is all of last semester.

first day of schoooool!! I was so psyched :)

I already wrote a lot about it, like the first week of school, how going back to school was kind of new and different, and about taking my public speaking class. It was all so GOOD. So good, that I can't seem to put into words what last semester was for me. I learned something from every one of my classes, even my Research Methods class that I really didn't like and had a terrible professor in, and I met a lot of great people and made many friends.

It was a semester of expressing myself, whether that meant moving to my emotions in my contemporary dance class, giving a speech on something I care about in public speaking, or even getting a 93% (yeah dude!) on my stats test, because it showed me that maybe I do have some smarts still in me. ;)

I'm so grateful that I took a break off of school, for many reasons, one of them now being that I got to experience last semester. And I think another one being that I get to have this coming semester.

It was so good and it ended on a good note. In my contemporary dance class, I showed my solo I'd been working on, incorporating my the two energy qualities I was assigned: heavy and grow--two qualities that also interesting described much of my life.

A video posted by Kailee Cristina Brown (@kikicbrownee) on Dec 10, 2014 at 3:24pm PST

Public Speaking ended with a lot of great friendships made and speeches. We had to do a news report in a group for one of our assignments, and I had so much fun doing it with the other girls in my group (there were only 6 girls in the class, and five of us formed a group. It was definitely a hoot :)). We got to know everyone pretty well in that class, because most of it was giving speeches (aka talking about ourselves or something we cared about) and it was definitely one of my favorite classes of my college career.


Sewing for Children brought the first kid's clothes I've ever made, and got me thinking that maybe I wouldn't mind designing and making more of them.

Stats made me feel smart again, and I loved the logic and end results that math brings and makes me happy with. I bonded with some fun girls in Research Methods, and even though our commonality was that we were forced to take a class with a terrible professor, we still bonded! Doctrine and Covenants was more than just studying the scriptures. I learned life lessons and how to apply the scriptures into my spiritual life.

Besides school, it was a good time in all other aspects of my life. Somehow, I stayed stable with money, picking up odd jobs and face painting gigs, all without needing to find a job. (definitely a miracle) Church and my ward was awesome, and I fell in love with both my callings--Communications co-chair (making the program every week for church and in charge of making ward directory) and Relief Society Activities Coordinator. I did Provo Fashion Week again, and I really started to question whether fashion was something I wanted to do or not--it's a struggle I've been having with myself for a while. I had an amazing, wayyyyy good birthday and I started riding my new bike! I loved my roommates, and the times when we were all home laughing, or just home at night to say a quick roommate prayer before going to bed (and the fact that they rented me a puppy for my birthday!).

So yes, last semester was really really good. I'm so grateful for it, and really, there's not much more that needs to be said about it than that. :)

(If you want to see a conglomeration of all of these things and more, you can watch my 2014 video. It's one of my favorite videos I've made, and I think it's because it makes me all sorts of happy when I watch it!)

A Cute Dress for a Cute Girl

I've decided to christen this week "Children's Clothing Week!" because when Gracie and I went up to the capitol to take her baptism dress pictures, we also took pictures of her in all the other clothes I made for her in my Sewing for Children class, so why not post them all in one week?!

I absolutely love this dress. It was my first project in class and definitely my most favorite one. It fits Gracie's style perfectly and I also see my design aesthetic in it as well. Favorite parts about this dress include the peter pan collar, the piping on the sash, and the little pocket on the skirt (I ended up putting pockets on 3 out the four projects I did, because we had to incorporate things we learned in class and pockets were always easy to add. Haha so there's the pocket disclaimer!).

Man, I totally love this dress, and Gracie looks just adorable in it. Kids clothes have been really fun to make! They are cute, and they also use less fabric and are easier to make because they don't require darts and such. Yay, so fun! I think I'll be making more children's clothing again in the near future. :)

Gracie's Baptism Dress

Gracie got baptized this past Saturday and it was a super special day for her and the rest of the family. Kinda crazy because being eight years old means she's not really a baby anymore! :(

I took a sewing for children class last semester and for one of my projects I decided to make Gracie's baptism dress. It was a lot of fun and I'm glad I had the chance to do it for her. I think I would have redone a few things for sure, and it was really sad because the zipper in the back broke, so if she were to ever wear it again I'd have to put in a new zipper. Overall though, I think the dress turned out really beautiful, probably mostly because it was on a beautiful little girl! It was a simple white dress with tulle on the skirt, and then I sewed gold beads as though they were cascading on the dress. The beading took FOREVER, but I'm so glad I did it because it was really cute.

We went up to the capitol building in Salt Lake City to get some nice pictures with my new Canon camera. We had fun, though Gracie was definitely getting tired by the end. Anyway, enough talk! You can see the pictures for yourselves and decide what you think.

Isn't she such a cutie? Man, I love this little girl SO much! We had so much fun spending three whole weeks with together over the break and I'm so proud of her for making the decision to get baptized! I sure am lucky to have Gracie as my sister and best friend for eternity. :)

this crazy busy LIFE

Holy moly life is CRAZY. It's really stressful, and though all the things causing me stress are good and I like them, stress is stress.

Like...the last day of classes is next Thursday! What?! How in the WORLD. did. that. happen. Sorry, I don't usually do sentences like that but it felt necessary. I'm scared because it still feels like I have so much to get done and am I going to get good enough grades to graduate and how can I do everything I need to do in a week and a half's time? Doesn't really seem possible.

On top of that are things like work (I'm doing a sweet project that I can't wait to tell you about soon!), doing my church callings, sewing for a fashion show that maybe I shouldn't have signed up for, and being addicted to Gilmore Girls (wait what?) haha (it's really so good!).

It's all so stressful and the only thing keeping me going is the fact that even though it all has to be done in a week and a half, that means it'll all be over in a week and a half. In which I will then breathe a sigh of relief.

Things I have to do in the next week and a half:
-finish Gracie's baptism dress
-successfully do all the costumes for this video I got hired to help with
-catch up on Stats (got 89% on my test the other day though, YES!)
-choreograph a 1 minute contemporary dance solo
-memorize a poem for my public speaking class
-write a public speaking critique
-study for my contemporary dance written test
-sew another project for my sewing class
-write a research proposal
-finish sewing a custom dress for a client
-finish helping my group with our research proposal and present it to the class
-get Christmas presents for all!
-decorate for Christmas (?)
-worry about if the boy I like likes me back haha
-PAY RENT

There might be more, and I realize you care about none of those but I'm posting this for my own sanity, just to put it out there.

Basically, I just need to tell myself I can do it. And then do it. GAH! Wish me luck! Blogging is a wild card for the next week and a half, so don't be surprised if I don't post again until after that.

Conquer Those Fears!

November 19, 2008 was the first time I ever saw Carrie Underwood in concert and was thus the absolute best day of my life. And every year since then, it's been pretty good times. There are usually movie premieres that happen to fall on this day every year so I think things like New Moon (I had a good time, even if the movie was dumb!), HP part 1, Catching Fire, etc., have all happened on this day. It's kind of a magical day because of that fateful Carrie concert 6 years ago.

Yesterday was November 19, 2014, and it was a day to go down in the books. For one, it was a really good dance day in my contemporary dance class. I felt like I was so in tune with my body and dancing mind and everything seemed to flow and dance beautifully. I was in the zone! And I love the zone. That's a topic for another day though.

Second, was that I gave my persuasive speech in my public speaking class. This was worth 200 points, so 1/5 of our grade, but more than that, it felt really important to me that I give the speech properly. It was about the ugly side of fashion, and I wish I would have taken a video of the speech, but it's all written down, so soon-ish I will do a post on that and you can read it because it really was such a good speech.

Anyway, it was a topic I feel really really strongly about and I wanted to do it justice! And for me, even though I've learned a ton from this public speaking class and improved a lot, I still have to practice a ton or I mess up and stutter. So I did. I practiced this speech for about 4 hours the day before and 1 hour the day before, not to mention the weeks I spent before it was due, writing it up and making sure it was all perfect.

I've never been more nervous for a speech, but I eventually gave it and felt like I did a terrible job. Gah. I was going over everything in my head that I could have and should have said, but I was like, whatever, it's fine. (sorry, this post sounds so much like something a teenager wrote, and I'm 23. 23!)

Before class was over, we were all voting on one person from our class to send to the Sloan Showcase, which is a BYU Public Speaking showcase where one person from each public speaking class gets chosen to speak at it. So we all sent in our votes and I think it would have been really cool to have been chosen but another student, actually a professor taking the class, who has put so much work into it and is an excellent public speaker, got chosen, so we were all really happy about that.

Okay, here's the magic part. Guess who the runner up was?

When my teacher said "Kailee," I really wish I could go back and look at the video of my face because SHOCK people. And then some real pride in myself. I was the runner-up! What the heck! I also looked at the feedback from my classmates afterward and was so surprised to see mostly scores of 9s and 10s. Crazy. You really have no idea!

Here's the thing, I took this class not because it was required, but because I needed it, because I am NOT (or was not) a good public speaker. Imagine me six months ago, never raising my hand in class or church to comment, never saying the prayer, never getting up to do any sort of public speaking, and when having to, feeling absolutely petrified and doing anything to avoid it. Fear.

So what changed? Why did I make myself take a public speaking class when it was the very thing I dreaded?

One day after church this past summer, probably in June or July?, one of my friends who was in the Relief Society presidency came up to talk to me after church. And she asked me why I never commented in church, because she always saw me taking notes and thinking about stuff when questions were asked, but never actually seeing me respond. My response was something like, "when I talk, words don't come out eloquently and also I'm so bad at public speaking," which was true, so true. And still kind of is, I really have a hard time speaking on the spot. But she was just like, "huh. Well, you should comment sometime." And that was pretty much it.

I guess I had always kind of seen myself as someone who just wasn't good at speaking in public, and seeing that as something that wouldn't change. But after my friend told me that, I thought about it, and from then on, I considered commenting in church, something I never considered before because it scared me too much to do so. I think it too me literally like a month and a half to finally do it, but I made a comment one day in church and my roommate Olivia was shocked because she'd never seen me do that.

That was the first day I decided to get over my fear and signing up for public speaking class went along with that. No joke, I really dreaded taking that class and I kept asking myself why in the world I was putting myself through torture, but this was something I wanted to get over. And guess what? I kind of did.

I'm not a master public speaker, but I've always loved writing, so it's nice to be able to not be afraid to say the words I write out loud. I've improved SO much. I guarantee I started out as one of the worst speakers in that class, but I put a lot of work and time into it because I really cared about getting better at this, and it brought on so much improvement on my level. Being the runner-up for the showcase is really no big deal, because I'm not going to speak at it, but that's okay.

Now I comment in church all the time, I comment in class, I ask questions, I talk to the people around me. I do things now that used to scare me to death. I will be forever ever grateful to my friend who made that comment to me, because now I realize that being a bad public speaker was not something I needed to accept. It's something I changed and can now say that I'm a much better public speaker than I was 6 months ago.

Anyway, this was a long post and I'm not really expecting many to read it, but this blog is kind of like my journal, so I like to record things. I would just like to say that yesterday went recorded as possibly a life top twenty (maybe top ten) day and I feel so happy and proud of myself. Conquer your fears! Follow your dreams! These things are actual possibilities. :)

Rambles

Hm, I've been trying to write every day but not sure what to post on this one! So I'm gonna just give myself five minutes and ramble. Sound good? You might want to wait and answer that one at the end of this post haha..

This week has been good. Life is pretty good. I'm really happy with the place where I'm at right now for the most part. Obviously there are some things that are always going to be a little hard, like right now dealing with stress is sometimes difficult, but isn't that how things normally go?

I'm feeling a little better this week, but I've had a lot of school projects and tests going on, as well as two time-consuming callings in church, and many other things, like wanting to be social and go to activities but also giving myself time to do things that I want to do, like making videos and sew and design and stuff. And I have to do the simple stuff too, like try and keep my room clean and eat food and find time to do my laundry! How does one do it all? I'm not really sure!

So yeah, the stress was kind of getting to me and I found myself being stressed to tears because I couldn't handle it all. Monday was hard and I found the theme for that day and the rest of the week to be "let it go" (frozen, woo!). Sometimes we just have to let things go! I'm a high achiever, which is not a bad thing, but when there is a lot on my plate, it can become so if I don't let some things out of my grasp. I don't have to be so in control and perfect at everything. It will be okay if I'm not. Easier said than done obviously.

But many things help...like my contemporary dance class (it reminds me to breathe!) where I can dance and move and escape the world for fifty minutes (totally not long enough) two times a week. Being around people is good because connection makes me happy and it keeps me sane. Sometimes when I'm having a week where I feel sad and kind of depressed, the last thing I want to do is go talk to people and be social, but it's often the best thing I can do. Not necessarily going and meeting people and doing the whole, where are you from?, what's your major?, how many kids are in your family? stuff because that's annoying, but just being with people who you get along with and can have fun with. I'm definitely grateful for classes because of that.

Anyway, I'm sure I could talk forever on this topic but I wrote longer than five minutes so I better go. But theme for this week: Let. It. Go. It will be okay!

Oh and this song is really great. I can't tell you how many times I've watched it but possibly like ten? Because I love it! It makes me feel good and who doesn't like that?

September and October Life

Just some random stuff that's happened in September and October!

My little brother Cee Ryle is a sophomore in high school and on the cross country team. He had an invitational at BYU and none of my family could drive down and go, so I went and supported him. He did great!

I realize my fifteen year-old brother is taller than me and we look the same age (especially in this picture)! Haha it's kind of ridiculous how young I look in this photo. But I swear I'm eight years older and not one of his classmates. Nonetheless I love him so much and am glad I got to see him race.

My aunt Zildy face painted at the State Fair and was able to get some free tickets so I went with my parents and sisters to it. Haha it was a pretty regular state fair...dirty, lots of rides, crazy people, booths, photo ops, interesting animals and vegetables, a very ...interesting freak show, and an awesome face painter! Haha. We had fun.

I got to go to Chalk the Block with some of my best friends (l to r: me, Lauren, Jessica, Alyne, Cameron (alyne's husband)) and we had a great time! The chalk was cool but the company was even better.

I face painted a TON during August and September, which was really great considering I don't have another job, and I face painted at Tracy Aviary three times, so I got pretty good at doing birds hah.

I got to go with my mom and my sister Sidney to the General Women's Meeting! It's held by our church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (we're also known as Mormons!), every six months for every girl and woman eight years and older. It was fabulous and we had a really fun time going! It also rained like crazy getting there so that was definitely an adventure too.

After the meeting, we met up with the rest of our family to go bowling. We had passes to use at this one place and it ended up being kind of lame and crappy but we made memories and had fun, which is what really matters. Also, I bowled the first strike I have ever bowled in my life! It only took me 23 years to get there.. ;)

I often force my family and friends to take pictures..sometimes on self-timer haha!

 I'm taking a public speaking class right now and we had to do a demonstration speech. I decided to show how to face paint a skull and my roommate Carli was kind enough to let me practice on her! We also had to give a handout so I put this picture on there too. If you want us to come face paint for you, you can go to our business's website HERE!

This past Saturday was the Cougar Run at BYU, due to it being homecoming. My parents, Cee Ryle, and Gracie all signed up to run so I went to cheer them on (clearly there are some fun times to be had at the BYU track). Sidney and I weren't running so we each ran a lap of Gracie's race with her. That poor girl was dying by the end of the race but she was a trooper and ran and finished the whole thing (it was twice around the track--I think that might be a 400 meter? Don't count on me for that though!)! Cee Ryle and my parents all placed in their divisions which was pretty awesome of them! My dad got first in his, and my mom and Cee Ryle both got third in theirs.

Later that day I took a test and did poorly on it :( No worries, I'll scrape out a good grade in the class! And then I met up with my mom and Sidney again where we volunteered at the US Junior Figure Skating Championships! I think it was for like the Pacific Northwest division or something like that but some of those girls and guys were really really good! We volunteered for a bit and then when they didn't need us anymore we got to watch which was fun.

I took a picture of this because I LOVED the back of her costume! Isn't it gorgeous! It inspired me :)

On Monday, my roommates surprised me with a PUPPY!! You're probably like, wait what?! No, I don't own a puppy. Here's the story:
Jessica asked me I was going to be home on Monday at 7 and I was like "do you want me to be home?" and she was like "yes!" because apparently her friend Reese was coming and she thought he and I would get along well. And I was like ohhh a set up, but okay, whatever. So Monday at around 7:15 this guy came to our door and I thought it was Reese, but then he left and Jessica brought in a puppy! My roommates rented me a puppy for an hour for a birthday gift! (Can anyone say best birthday gift ever?? Yes!)

Haha Reese actually turned out to be a girl (and a dog, but whatev) and she was so cute and fun! She peed twice under our watch and she was quite a handful, but so much fun. We were all sad when she left. But we had fun watching her tug on Jessica's shoelaces and putting her head into a mug on the floor and just being so darn adorable. I took some pictures, but the lighting in our apartment is terrible, so I had to use the flash.

I made a little video too! The lighting was terrible and since I currently just use Windows Movie Maker, there was no way to correct that, but you can watch it and get an idea of Reese's cuteness.

Other fun little things from these past two months that I unfortunately have no pictures to document:

-School is grrrrreeeat!, as Tony the Tiger would say. I'm glad I have more time to focus on it now that Provo Fashion Week is over. I really do love all my classes to death and am really happy! Also I got a 93% on my last Statistics test, a 98% on my last Doctrine and Covenants test, and a 94% on my demonstration speech (that I did the skull face for above)! Boo ya! I don't always post about my grades, but when I do...they're pretty darn good!

-I discovered this wonderful thing that Carrie Underwood actually did TWO demo albums before American Idol. Which, can we all realize what this means? 31 NEW SONGS! They are albums of covers and some of them she did when she was 14! Geez she's so good! If you are wanting to know what they are, they're listed here and here and most are on youtube! Also I found out she waited until marriage (awesome!) and had a third nipple (interesting..and a bit weird, but we've all got our quirks). Learning new things every day, people.

-Have you seen Meet the Mormons?? I saw it last Thursday with Jessica and it was so fabulous! Maybe I cried... because yes it was good! If you are person living on this earth, you will like it. Oh hey, that's you! It's great. :)

-Provo Fashion Week has gotten a ton of press since it happened, and I got featured in two different articles! Both for BYU stuff so that's fun. One was for my department's (Family, Home, and Social Sciences) magazine here and the other was for the BYU newspaper The Universe here. I think that may have been my third time being in the BYU newspaper! haha.

-In public speaking, we have to make a video of a news report type thing and my group is doing it on Ebola. We filmed some stuff today and let me just say 1) I love my group and 2) I can't wait to edit the video because we got some hilarious responses!

-From Amazon, I ordered for myself The Parent Trap (Lindsay Lohan version, one of my favorite movies ever in this world) and Project Runway Season 4! (its the one with Christian Siriano and I'm dying to see it because I know his designs will inspire) The only problem is I haven't had time to watch them! Hopefully I'll get a break in the next few days that I can start.

Oh also on October 10, this one little thing called Provo Fashion Week happened :) and it was awesome! I can't wait to tell you all about it...later haha. It was a blast though. Man :)