"For the First Time Ever I'm Completely Free..."

As I listen to music from one of my favorite movies, Tangled, I'm reminded of a certain scene in the movie that everyone laughs at, myself included.

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Tangled is really a simple story--one about a girl with magic, long hair trapped by an evil witch. She goes into a world she's been taught to fear all her life yet from it she finds excitement, new friends, action, and love. This movie has become beloved by all audiences young and old, men and women. And why? Because Rapunzel leads the life we all want to live.

We learn from Rapunzel that decisions aren't always easy, and we might run them back and forth in our head, because we don't know which choice is the better one. Or we're afraid to pick another choice because it might require more of a risk. Rapunzel shows us that sometimes there are people in the world who will lie to us and be mean to us for their own good. They'll pretend to love us so that we're scared to leave them. And in the end we find out they never really loved us at all. Rapunzel teaches us that when we do things we're scared of, when we decide to take a risk, a lot of times we get hurt. We get so hurt that we want to go running back to our old, easier and simpler life, even if it wasn't the one we really wanted. And we learn from her that we can go back to that life, and try to forget everything.

But we also learn from Rapunzel that taking risks opens up new doors for us. We can meet new people and see beautiful places. We can have adventures and we can sing, dance, and have fun. We learn from Rapunzel that sometimes, taking the risk is the better choice, because even if it might hurt us, it's better to love than to not have loved at all. It's better to follow our dreams because we grow up and we learn more than we ever could have learned staying in a tower. And most importantly, we learn from Rapunzel that there are people out there who will take us in and accept us for who we are, and love us more than we have ever been loved before. Their love makes everything worth it.

There are little fears and there are big ones. Right now I'm sitting in my room crouched on the bed because a bug is crawling somewhere on the floor and it's freaking me out. I'll go to amusement parks with friends and no matter what they do to try and convince me, I will not get on the big roller coasters there because of my enormous fear of heights. These fears are small (however large that roller coaster or bug might be)..it won't change my life if I face the bug or ride the roller coaster. But then there are bigger fears, like my inability to open up to people about anything, even my close friends because I'm afraid I'll get hurt. Opening up to someone can change my life--it can bring me closer to someone and it can help me trust people more and have better relationships.

I learned from Rapunzel that it's not going to be 100% perfect all the time. But I also learn from Rapunzel that it won't be 100% awful all the time, which means that maybe, it might be worth taking the risk :)

Can I go to Neverland?

How pathetic am I? I am sitting on my bed at home now just crying. Crying because I miss everything. I miss living at home. I miss having a best friend. I miss not having to worry about everything. I miss having a great roommate family. I miss last year's roommates. I miss my life. :(

I am trying so hard to be positive...I really am. Reading some of my posts lately probably makes you think I'm a depressed person, but I'm trying so hard. But I just really miss everything soooooo much. I hate all the changes going on in my life right now and I wish they would just stop. I know that it's all supposed to "work out," but that is really hard to see right now when everything decided to change it's course. I feel like my life is like a train right now and this is the conversation the "conductor" and I are having:

Conductor: "Ok kiki, it's time to get this train moving on a completely new track up a steep mountain, and it's going to be going pretty fast. And you already gave me your ticket, so you're stuck on here and you'll just have to trust me that I know the right way to your destination."

Me: "Um wait, what? NO, not cool, Mr. Conductor. Couldn't we have slowed or stopped the train for at least a little while, or gone through a tunnel at the bottom of the mountain? Or just taken everything one thing at a time?"

Conductor: "Well yes, maybe we could have but don't you want to get to the really good stuff quicker? If we go up this side of the mountain, there will beauties and amazing things that you've never dreamed of on the other side. Whereas if we just go through the bottom, you'll miss it all. And I'm just trying to get you there sooner by doing everything at once and not stopping."

Me: "How do I even know I can trust you? What if you're just lying about all the good stuff on the other side of the mountain?"

Conductor: "You'll just have to believe me. Besides, has this been an awful train ride thus far? I think there have been some pretty sweet things you've seen right after the hard stuff. I'm taking you along the right tracks so you can see the best views, even if we have to go through some pretty crappy ones to get there first. And really, it's not like you have much of a choice. It's to late to turn back and we're already more than halfway up the mountain. If you get out of the train and leave me, you'll fall. You have a chance if you stay with me. And remember? I'm the conductor, you're the passenger. I've been through all of this before and I have way more experience in this stuff than you do. You have to trust me."

Me: "Humph...yeah you have a point. There obviously is nothing else to do but trust you right now I guess. Keep driving. And let me know when we get to the other side of the mountain for the good stuff."

Conductor: "Don't worry, I won't need to tell you, you'll know. And you'll realize all this stuff was worth it. I promise. Now just sit back and let me take care of you. I'll get you to where you need to go and I promise you'll be hugging me with gratitude by the end."

Maybe that was cheesy...but I'm pretty sure that's how the conversation would go. :) That actually cheered me up immensely, which is good. It helps to think of these things in more realistic terms.. And I guess I'll just have to keep riding this train and hope that the conductor isn't lying when he says there's something really great just waiting on the other side. After all, I really have no choice but to trust him.

I guess one thing I'm just super scared of is growing up...I don't know how to be an adult and that's scary. Being a kid was easy and natural...so what does it mean to be an adult?

In the meantime, two songs that I can really relate to right now are "Stop This Train" by John Mayer and "Wheel of the World" by Carrie Underwood. I put the youtube videos below...music is always very therapeutic for me. :)

P.S. My Recapturing Beauty days are now updated so scroll down to look at them! I especially really like Day 10, so be sure to read that one. :)