9.28.2014

Current State of the Union

If I had to give one simple word for how life is going right now, it'd be "great!"

No lies, life is so SO good, and it makes me really happy to say that I've never ever been in a better place in my life. College especially has been rocky, but I'm doing so well. I'm so happy!

When I took a break from school a year and a half ago, it was really really hard. I honestly didn't want to, but I knew it was ultimately the best thing for me. I hadn't been doing well in school and I was dealing with a lot of anxiety around that as well. So getting out of that was good, but I was in limbo for a while with a job at JC Penney that didn't last long until I kind of got some steadiness with my job at the daycare.

Before all that, I'd been dealing with an eating disorder for some time, though I had recovered from that by the time the break from school happened. I was maybe going to start taking classes again last January, a year after I'd stopped, but in the end it didn't feel right, and I'm glad I didn't, because not too long after that I relapsed back into my eating disorder and it was pretty bad. I'm not gonna go into details about that right now, but I was able to get back into therapy and pull myself out of that relapse a few months later.

The point I'm trying to make is not that my life is horrible, because it's not! I love it so much and I've had so much good happen to me to that I'm just not mentioning right now, like fashion shows, great friends, fun activities, an amazing job, etc. I'm just trying to say that it's been such a long time since I have felt normal. With an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety coming in and out of my life, after a while, it feels like that's the way things are supposed to be, and you just deal with it because that's all you can do.

But right now, I feel none of that, and it's amazing and also really weird haha.

Sometimes I keep thinking that something must be wrong, because something has always been wrong, but alas, life is just good right now, and I'm beginning to realize that a good, and normal life is a real possibility. A happy one! Bad things will happen again, and I will hopefully be ready when they do, but for now, I'm enjoying just being happy and me. It's taken years of difficulties, and months of therapy and bajillion amounts of faith, but if that's what I had to do to get here, then I'm pretty good with that.

So yes, school is really good. I'm doing pretty well in my classes and going to all of them and enjoying them thoroughly. I'm just face painting for work right now, which is really fun and chill. I'm making good money but I only have to work a few hours a week. I'm dating no one right now and going on no dates, but I legitimately do not care, and I'm happy with that attitude. I have a fashion show coming up in less than TWO WEEKS and I'm so psyched. Things are going soooo well for it (and you should COME!).

But most importantly, I'm just in a good place in my life, and that's the best thing of all. :)

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